Friends, Wonderful Celtic Music and Restoration.

This evening, I had the privilege of attending the Celtic Christmas Concert at the First and Calvary Presbyterian Church in Springfield. The venue was gorgeous...a one hundred year old sanctuary (actually older than that) candlelit and decked with greens and wreaths with white lights and stained glass windows. When I entered the room, I knew I was in a special place.

The instrumentalists played violins, guitar, mandolin, piano, cello, bass, hand drum, tambourine, pipe organ and the high whistle. Four women sang; beautifully arranged Celtic carols and songs and the Springfield Boys Choir dazzled us with their crystal clear voices that harmonized so wonderfully and rang throughout the room that the chill and dampness of the night quickly faded away.

As I listened, and experienced the music, it swept over me, through me and became part of me. The music gave me wings on this blustery, wet evening. It allowed me, if just for a little while, to escape from my dungeon of limitations and once again get back to feeling what music has always made me feel...whole. I need music in my life. It is who I am, what I'm about and what I love.

Teaching music doesn't always give us the "musical" experiences that we musicians long for. Don't misunderstand, there are MANY, MANY wonderful musical happenings with students who are our young musicians, but when we are teaching music...we get into the "drudgery" of the next performance, the next favor, the next contest, the next festival, etc. And sometimes, as in my case, it has taken me a year and a half to not be involved in music education to KNOW what I had lost. I'm not talking about not being able to teach...yes, I've lost that too, but...I had lost the music experience. It had been too long since my heart had been warmed, goosebumps had crawled across my skin and my eyes had watered because I was EXPERIENCING the music with every fiber of my being. But, this evening changed all of that. I am once again..."in tune" with my musical needs and wants. 

I can't thank Kelly O'Bryant, Erika O'Bryant, Mark Lawley and all of the other incredible musicians who gave me such a wonderful Christmas present tonight. My heart has been warmed and my musical self has been restored. Merry Christmas.

Politics, Bad Drivers and Decor

Why is it that all of the Republican Candidates seem like egomaniacle, self serving, ignorant, lying sacs of putrid waste?? Oh, that's right, BECAUSE THEY ARE!!!  Now as far as politics go, here's my quick and easy take on the entire situation.

All politicians, no matter with which party they are affiliated, lie and look out for number one...which I understand, in our political world is very necessary sometimes. But, I have to say this....when watching a political candidate debate, I ....as an American citizen, should NOT feel embarrassed for the people who are trying to debate each other to get a leg up for the next party nomination for President of the United States of America. I'm shocked at the stupidity, lack of knowledge and closed mindedness that these people are displaying. 

I don't even care if Herman Cain has boffed women....or men for that matter - while he was supposedly in a committed marriage. Yes, it shows lack of character, but the question is....could this man run our country?? The REAL question is.....Could any of these people LEAD our country?? At least President Obama is smart enough to be able to speak in public and not embarrass us in front of the rest of the world, and whether we like him or not, whether we agree with him or not, he, unlike any of these candidates I've been speaking about... has the ABILITY to lead our country.

I heard a sound bite of Chris Christie going off on President Obama a couple of nights ago. I said to John, "Really???? Coming from the man who isn't willing to run and do something about it???? Shut the hell up and concentrate on your shore." I don't necessarily agree with Christie's political views, but I think he'd be a good leader. But if he's not willing to throw his hat in, then don't complain. That's like all of the American citizens who constantly bitch about politics, the President, the Congress, etc....but don't ever vote. I have no patience for that kind of blatant disregard for the rest of America who does vote and try to make positive change happen in our society.


Okay, enough about politics. Let's talk about people who are asshole drivers. If you are an asshole driver, here are some things I'd like for you to stop and start doing.


Stop: Texting     Start: WATCHING THE FREAKING TRAFFIC LIGHTS

Stop: Talking on the phone   Start: Paying attention to your kids in the back seat!!!!

Stop:  Riding my ass when I'm going OVER the speed limit  Start: Getting a clue that you're an ass.


Stop:  Putting on your make up   Start: Getting up 20 minutes earlier to do it at home


Stop:  Speeding through the neighborhood where kids are playing   Start: Considering the fact that there are other people in the world besides you.


Stop:  Driving like you're in a hurry ALL OF THE TIME!  Start: Using your turn signals, braking BEFORE you get to a stop sign or traffic light, and try turning down your stereo so that I can't hear it in my car when BOTH of our windows are UP and MY stereo is on!!


*The next person I see texting while driving when we are at a stoplight...be warned...I'm going to get out of my car at the stoplight and pound on your window and show you a gruesome picture of dead people from a car accident caused by a driver texting. You've been warned. It's stupid and careless to do it any time....but when you're driving your kids around and texting....I think that's criminal. 

Also, if you have so many Christmas lights up... that you leave on all night ...that it causes your neighbor's bedroom to be lit up like Rockefeller Plaza, you might want to reconsider your holiday decor. 


Just a few thoughts running through my mind this morning. I'm glad it's Friday and I'm glad I'm feeling better. Yesterday was NOT a good day for me physically. But, today is looking up and I'm anxious to get the rest of the Christmas decorations properly placed and the boxes and tubs put away!! Have a great weekend everyone.

B.R.A. A.R.A. (Before R.A., After R.A.)

There are times in our lives when we all have to pause for a moment to think about what we are going to do next in our existence that is continually bombarded with obstacles, negative events and rude people. The good thing is, that there are usually good events, obstacles that are easily maneuvered around or moved, and nice people that we come across too. But, when faced with the earlier mentioned situations, decisions have to be made that are not only hard, but heart wrenching. In fact, it seems...many times...that it is impossible to make a "good" decision. 

The decision to stop teaching one and a half years ago was one of those decisions. I'm so out of the loop...I feel really estranged from the music education world, in fact from music itself. I'm not able to perform right now because of my physical limitations. I can't stand through a concert to sing, or stand to conduct a concert. I could play horn, but it would take months to get my chops in shape and I don't have an instrument. So, I'm kinda stuck right now. 


The people...other directors... in this area (Springfield) have no idea what my teaching abilities are. They don't know that when I'm feeling well and not in pain, that I'm an excellent music educator. No one knows that when the RA is not drowning me, I'm one of the best teachers around. This is not bragging. I've worked hard over the last 25 years to become the best music educator I could be, and the last 8 years that I taught with the disease, there were some days I couldn't even function at work. I never was able to teach "full out" like I did on a daily basis B.R.A. (before R.A.) I miss having the energy, excitement and the feelings of accomplishment that I got from being in front of a group of high school kids that wanted to make me proud. The looks on their faces when that one chord came together and sent goosebumps crawling across their skin...that's one I really miss. 


I also miss teaching elementary music. After having taught high school for so many years, then getting certified in Kodaly, and teaching elementary for a while, I really learned a lot about being a better music educator. The Kodaly sequence brought it all together for me. I became a better high school teacher because of my elementary experience using Kodaly. However, I was so sick while doing all of this, I never REALLY got to give my teaching one hundred percent.


This isn't a pity party. I'm just thinking through some things. I love teaching privately and have some students who will probably be starting private lessons again soon but it's still not the same as being in front of a choir or band. And it's not the same as taking kindergarteners from the first day of school and teaching them how to make a circle sitting on the floor, to performing, reading, improvising and composing music at the end of 5th grade. There is a sense of accomplishment...contentment... that comes from those experiences and I guess I'm going to have to find another way to be able to feel that same sense of accomplishment once again.

I've been vocalizing, getting my voice back into shape which is a good thing about NOT teaching. My voice has had time to rest and I'm able to extend my range once again and not be hoarse and vocally exhausted from teaching all day. I even was able to have so much resonance that it made my inner ears tickle! IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE THAT HAS HAPPENED!!! For those of you who are not vocalists, that means that there was so much muscular freedom and vocal ease that the vibrations in the mask of my face actually tickled down in my ears. That's a GOOD thing! :)

Well, I'm going to go sing for a while and make myself feel better about my current situation. The Christmas tree is up, the mantle is decorated and after I sing, I'll finish the rest. Thanks for reading.



 

Friday Night Blues

I'm feeling a little stressed and a deep turqoise shade of blue this evening...so I'm going to play some word association. I'm going to take the first 20 words from the first 20 things I see right around me here on my desk and then type the word that I associate with them.

1.  Scrabble = confused
2.  Theatre = miss
3. Budget = broke
4.  Sing = relaxation
5.  Branson = shopping
6.  College = do over
7.  Planner = Dr. Gifford's WE Reunion
8.  Mojito = summer
9.  Rotars = expensive
10.  French Horn = fun
11.  Broadway = smiles
12.  Photos = memories
13.  Maps = travel
14.  Turkey = sleepy
15.  Melodious = energetic
16.  Art Deco = pastels
17.  Coconut = sunning
18.  Lip Balm = soothing
19.  John Devos = warmth
20.  Dance = longing

Now, I'd say those are pretty typical answers...but then again...I'm in a funk. I find myself getting pissed off at the littlest things, and feeling forlorn about the big things. I listen to Camille recite poems to me out of her little book that was John's when he was about her age, four or five... and I can't help but smile through the tears that well up in my eyes. Her sweet, little voice and the innocence that it holds within it is overwhelming when I think that she starts Kindergarten next year. When school starts, the innocence is abruptly shattered forever. Part of growing up, but a sad part, me thinks.

The timeline of our lives is measured by distinct happenings. Some happenings are wonderful, some are sad, some are funny and some make you want to kick the shit out of somebody.  When these "marks" are made on our timelines of life, they leave indelible memories for us that are a constant reminder of the paths not taken...or the paths taken, that shouldn't have been.

I am at a crossroads in my life. Unfortunately, any decisions that I make right now are at the mercy of a completely different timeline that I have no control over whatsoever. I'm doing my best to be the loving, considerate wife that John needs and the strong, decisive, motivated woman that I used to be. Not that those two ladies can't exist at the same time within me, they always have...I guess they're both a little tired right now.

The dishes are waiting, along with this weeks laundry and the dust that has accumulated since last Friday.  I'd really like to be Samantha from Bewitched right now, and with a little rabbit like movement of my nose, have it all done and put away. But, I'm not magic and I'm not rich so a maid is also out of the question. So, off to do housework and pretend like I'm enjoying it...cest la vie.

Mammograms, Pumpkins and Fat Man

Sometimes I'm just amazed at the stupid shit some people do. Today after my mammogram, (which was absolutely no big deal...I've been dreading it because it was my first one) I went to Aldi to do a little grocery shopping. As I went through the aisles, I noticed this really fat guy with a bad attitude behind me. And...the reason I noticed him is because he stayed behind me the entire time...no matter what I did or where I went. I even turned completely around in the middle of an aisle twice to see if he'd follow me, and he DID! Anyway, I'm over in the cheeses and lunchmeat across from the fresh produce and he practically rammed his cart into me. So, me being me.....I said...."Am I in your way, because I've been trying to get out of it for quite a while now!" Hoping he'd get the message!! He said in response..."I'm just walking behind you." I said, "Well...not anymore!" Now, understand I had heard him being rude to some other people...and he would just stand in the aisle....taking up a lot of it, I might add.... and look around....he wasn't even really shopping. And having said "not anymore!" I took a left and went down a completely different aisle and to the checkout. The guy was an ass. People are so rude, inconsiderate and impatient at times. Maybe he needs to lay off of the chips and donuts he had stacked in his cart and go for some fresh fruits and vegetables, then he might find that his attitude improves a little. What types of food we put into our bodies definitely effects how we feel and think! Time for tubby to change it up a bit, I'd say.

Now understand, I don't have anything against big people...I'm one of them....however, not near as much as I was a year and a half ago!! :) As of today, I've lost 51 pounds!!! But I do have a problem with attitudinal assholes. Big problem. On my worst day, when I'm in pain or something horrible has happened....or it's just PMS....I still don't take it out on innocent people in the grocery store...I take it out on JOHN!!! :)

FalI is John's favorite time of year. Me....I'm a SUMMER girl...put me on a beach in a nice lounge chair and a cocktail in my hand and I'm all good!! I got a huge pumpkin for John and myself to carve together. That will be an interesting evening. John will be Mr. Step by Step and have to do it just so....and I'll be sketching it out on paper and then just start carving....about 10 minutes into it...we'll be on each others penultimate nerve and he'll go watch tv with a glass of tea and I'll finish it. He'll walk through after it's done and say..."Good job, babe!" Yeah, thanks, honey. Glad we could do this together. :)

Okay...that's it for tonight. GO CARDS!!! :)

Friday's Thoughts.

This is breast cancer awareness month and today is my first mammogram. I'm looking forward to getting it over with!! My paternal Grandmother had a mastectomy and as far as I understand, they are not as concerned about the paternal side of the family as they are the maternal. So, hopefully...there won't be any problems. I encourage ALL of my friends...MALE and FEMALE to get checked out! It isn't just a female disease!! Go get squished!! :)

The cards lost game 2 last night of the 2011 World Series to the Texas Rangers. Today they travel to Texas and game 3 is tomorrow night! I'm so excited!!! Love the Cardinals. I really hope they can pull out a can of whoop ass on 'em! GO CARDS!!!!

I'm finding that more often then not, I'm "putting stuff away" and then I can't remember where I've put it. It's becoming really annoying. John asked me a couple of months ago where one of his masonic books was and of course, I looked for it but could not find it! Well, I found it this morning...right here on the desk in the kitchen where I had placed it several months back....thinking....I'll put this here so I can remember to give it to John....well, if I can remember thinking that.....why couldn't I remember where I had placed the damned book???? So frustrating. I do stuff like that all of the time. Walk into a room to do something....then I have no idea why I'm standing there looking around. Freaking nuts. And...I realized yesterday...that I actually say OUT LOUD to myself...."What the hell am I supposed to be doing in here?" Sometimes I remember what it is...and sometimes I don't. Is it that I'm getting older or am I just stupe??? Whatever it is...I'm done with it!! I waste so much time trying to figure out shit like that! Maybe I ought to start writing down on a notepad little codes for myself that remind me of what I'm supposedly doing at any given time. Like....if I'm going to the music room to get a piece of music I could write in a shorthand code....MR (music room) Gt Mz Hr Cncr (Get Mozart Horn Concertos) ...well that would work....except....what if I forget the freakin' shorthand code??? Which is very possible at this point!! The only time I don't have to worry about is when it's time to go to the bathroom....I'm all good there!!! :)

Okay, I smell the coffee and can't resist it any longer! Hope everyone has a great Friday and GO CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SEEING RED!!! GO CARDS!!!

It's been over a month since I've blogged. Too long! However, I thought it only appropriate that I talk a little about the Cardinals since they won the first game of the 2011 World Series last night!!! What a great night! We had dinner here at the house with Teresa, Bob, Vivian, Wayne, Michele, Daron, Kendrick and Camille...and then watched the game! Talk about a fun visit! Bob and Teresa brought BBQ brisket, homemade mac and cheese and a bunch of other wonderful comfort foods that we all enjoyed immensely!! 

The first thing about my own personal RED BIRDS experience is this...I realized yesterday as I was getting ready for everyone to come over...that I don't have anything with any of the Cardinal's logos on it! Not even a visor!! In fact, I don't ever remember owning anything that had to do with the Cardinals! Isn't that sad? Not that it really matters...in the long run, there are LOTS of other things with which to be concerned....it isn't really important whether or not I have Cardinals wear! 


Here are my requests for tonight's game, just in case anyone who has anything to do with the Red Birds is listening...

1. Please stop showing Mark McGwire...I loved watching him play, but was so very disappointed in him with the whole steroids issue.  Now, whenever we see him, John always says...."Not so hot now with all those pustules on his ass from the steroids, huh?"
2. Could somebody please let TLR know that it's okay to show that you're actually alive. Somebody hold a mirror up to his face and see if he can fog it...even when he's interviewing....it's like....Tony?? Ya there, buddy??? Once in a while he does the "TLR throw your hands up in the air for a split second"....then they're crossed again or stuff in his pockets.  Tony LaRussa, give us some excitement, man!!
3.  Just once....could one of the cameramen PLEASE get a shot from BEHIND of Albert Puhols batting??? PLEASE!????!!
4.  The Cardinal's logo on their shirts bothers me, because where the buttons are in the middle of the logo....there's a gap in the middle of the word "Cardinals"....I know that if they could have fixed it they would have...but that gap really gets under my skin for some reason. Not really a request...just a comment on the uniform!
5.  I know that it's part of the whole "baseball game" scene....but guys, doesn't the spitting gross anyone out besides me??? I know that several companies and groups had requested that the players from both teams not chew tobacco since there were going to be lots of kids watching...I don't know what came of that request, however, if they're NOT chewing tobacco...is it necessary to spit like that when you're just chewing gum??? Nasty. Just gross.
6. My final request for the rest of the 2011 World Series games.......WIN.....WIN.........WIN!!! Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!!!! GO CARDS!!!! WHOOOOOPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Energy Level Bleck

I've been feeling badly for about a week and a half now. Thought it was just a stomach bug when it started, but it has been on and off....mostly on for the better part of 10 days now. My energy level is way down, my stomach cramps, and all that goes with that... and I feel like crud. Oh yeah, and as of last night, my right shoulder is telling me that I'm probably getting ready for another RA flare. I can barely drag myself out of bed these last couple of days. I haven't felt this bad in over a year...and then I think, this is how I felt...energy wise for the last 9 years that I taught with the RA. This last year of being at home has helped me so much health wise, that I'd gotten a lot of energy back...and now I'm reminded of how miserable I really was...am right now. If I'm not better tomorrow, I'll have to call one of my doctors and figure out what is going on, because something definitely is. It could just be that my disease is active again, afterall, I did have a bad flare over 5 days that took Prednisone to get under control. That was 2 and a half months ago, so I'm probably in for a bad couple of months more...if it works the way it usually does for me. Anyway, no funny remarks, no funny stories, no profound thoughts today. I'm just glad Camille's nap time is soon so that I can lay down with her. Her cuddles, hugs and kisses always make me feel better, at least mentally!

Life and Death.

Just found out late last night that a college friend of ours passed away. I feel so badly for his wife and two daughters.

I'm feeling a bit strange about it all....I had already been thinking about my own mortality and what my "mark on life" was going to be. I always thought I was destined to do great things and be someone who made big, positive differences in the world. And even though I know I've touched a lot of kiddos through teaching music and have made some differences for them, I feel like...somehow...I've missed the boat.

At one time, my goal was to be one of the best choir directors in Missouri. I thought I'd take groups to MMEA, ACDA...the whole enchilada. But, life happens, things change, goals shift and dreams fade. There is this thing called destiny and I think that destiny decided to kick my ass. So, being who I am, I keep getting back up, pushing forward and trying to put destiny aside so that I can make a comfortable, loving home for John and myself while maintaining some semblance of the life I WANTED and thought I was going to have. 

We get so caught up in the everyday bull of working, paying bills (or not paying as the case may be) making dinner, taking care of others - kids, parents, grandparents and we forget that life is supposed to be enjoyed. Living is not about racing around working 12-16 hour days and trying to make it on time to appointments and meetings and then going to bed only to NOT be able to sleep and then get up and do it all again.

I resent a lot of things that have happened to us, and I regret a lot of things that I haven't done.....or said......I guess I'm just trying to work out my own frustrations and in doing so, have become a little negative. I've NEVER been a negative person, but right now, I'm having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...oh, wait....there is a light...uuhhh ooohhhh....the light is on the front of a freight train and it's heading right for me! See what I mean??? I'm being negative and I don't like it...but those are the kinds of things that keep popping into my head.

So, today I will consciously make the effort to see the silver lining, look for the positive and be proactive in making our lives better and my mind and soul happier. Hearing last night that our friend Patrick Johnston passed away...made me all the more certain that I have to change. I can't go on sitting on the fringes of life watching it "happen". There is too much to be done and too many people to love to just sit and stew about opportunities missed and regret things that have happened or not happened to us or for us. 

Right now, I'm going to take my Humira and Methotrexate injections, take out the trash, and meditate so that I can clear my mind and find some positive energy for the day. I sincerely hope that all of my friends who read this have a wonderful day and weekend and ENJOY life...at least do your best to do so.

Patrick, I don't know about the afterlife, not sure what I believe anymore...don't have a clue if you can hear or see or somehow know how many people love and will miss you. But, we all hope that you are in a better place...one free of pain and struggles. No matter what, you have left a positive mark on life and that is all that really matters in the end. Smiles and laughter to you, Pat. 

Aging Bites IT.

Cruelty....that's all it is....pure and simple...CRUELTY. I'm speaking of the "natural" process that we humans call aging. It's unbelievably depressing...sunscreen, sunglasses, body butter, lotions, oils, moisturizers, loofah sponges, creams, masks, more vegetables and fruits, more sleep, probiotics, vitamins, fish oils...AND I still look 20 years older than I should. Not that 64 is a bad age....but I'm 44. Crazy.

So, I'm looking in the mirror this morning after my shower and trying to figure out what the hell happened to my hair...the curls are absolutely gone now. Straight as a stick. Not to mention the color of a donkey. What happened to my curls??? Are they going through a mid-life crisis too???? So they got up one night while I was sleeping to go and be with some 20 year old's locks? I mean really...my hair was so easy to take care of...now, no matter what I do to it, how it's cut or styled...it won't hold any kind of shape, it's flat, straight as an arrow and on the verge of feeling like straw...even with conditioners. UUGGHHH

Then there is the matter of my skin...it is discolored, with brown spots all over my face...my doc says it's from the Methotrexate and being in sunlight. Really??? Even with sunscreen??? How about this...you take your Methotrexate and shove it up your.......okay, wait a second...Methotrexate is one of the reasons I can move without as much pain. Well, doesn't make me feel any less pissed off about it.

Now, let's get to the real kicker for me. How in the hell, do eyelids gain weight?? I've lost it everywhere else, but my eyelids are lard asses. Which brings me to another question...do my eyelashes look shorter because they too, like my hair... are changing... OR is it one of those situations like fat guys...you know, their big beer bellies make their penises look smaller...is THAT what's  wrong with my eyelashes...my eyelids are obese and sagging so my eyelashes look shorter??? And I swear, every day there is a new little line at the corners of my eyes...crows feet my ass. These look like a Pterodactyl swooped down and skidded across my face. The only thing that I don't have are dark circles under my eyes...and I'm hoping that doesn't happen too. But, if it does...I guarantee I'll be bitching about it.

This morning, I guess I slept with my face scrunched up on the right side, because my fat assed right eyelid was really puffy. I looked like a Kangaroo had boucned through the room and punched me in the eye. 

I'm horrified at what is still to come. I've had nightmares about all of my teeth falling out and having to get dentures. My mom has worn dentures since I can remember. But she's 83. And I'm not. I haven't lost my eyebrows yet...in fact, those bushy bastards look like a couple of wooly worms crawling across my obese, Pterodactyl scratched eyelids.

And now we get to my lips. There are vertical creases in my upper lip that are beginning to extend up into the skin above my lip. Are you kidding me...?? What is that all about? I have huge lips and they've got wrinkles too??? I thought fat things...people...didn't get wrinkles. And my skin is so dry...it looks like the surface of the Sahara Desert. AND this is with the use of alcohol free butters, creams and oils. 

Well....it's going to happen....whether I want it to or not...but like I said in a previous post...I'm not acting like I'm okay with all of this. I'm not. I want my youth back and I want my health back. In the meantime, I guess I'll just keep lubing up, conditioning and hoping that my eyelids will go on a diet.

Choir Directors and Band Directors...Two different species.

This morning was the annual area music educator's meeting. I didn't have to go, because I'm not teaching...but I wanted to, so that I could see friends and listen to Mark Lawley, who was the guest speaker. (Awesome, by the way!) John was going also, so...off I went. 

I've always known there was a big difference between choir directors and band directors...everyone in music education knows this...but today, it was even more evident to me! Evident because I've taught both! With this being said, here are my Choir and Band director comparisons!

Choir directors: Organize themselves into oblivion.
Band directors: Hope that it's there on their desk ten minutes   before they need it.
Choir directors:  Will have a glass of wine.
Band directors:  Will laugh at the choir directors drinking wine while they are pouring a glass of beer that they brewed themselves.
Choir directors:  Will insist that everyone have their folders, robes, etc...for a trip, only to realize 30 minutes into the trip that they left their folder with the "check" in it on their music stand.
Band directors:  Will insist that everyone have their uniforms, instruments, music, etc...for a trip, only to realize 30 minutes into the trip that they left the percussion section in the percussion room.
Choir directors:   Will belabor a point.
Band directors:  Is there a point??
Choir directors:  Will have informational meetings where everyone is more confused afterward than they were before. (Hence, the wine.)
Band directors:  Will have informational meetings that are quick, to the point, and if you don't know or understand something...they'll explain it to you at the after party.
Choir directors:  Emote while conducting with their hands.
Band directors:  Emote while yelling at the trumpet section to stop throwing the snare drummer's drumstick.
Choir directors:  Always know who is in their room, who is supposed to be in their room, and who has been in their room.
Band directors:  Walk into their room before rehearsal, bump into a kid only to turn and notice that he isn't a band member, ask the kid what he's doing there...only to get the response..."I'm Josh's friend, I got kicked outta my house and he said it'd be cool if I crashed here for a while. It's all good, man, I'm a drummer."
Choir directors:  Plan concert music for the entire year.
Band directors:  Plan concert music based on whether or not their top two trumpets will be out of jail in time for the concert.
Choir directors:  Insist that everyone have a pencil.
Band directors:  Insist that everyone have a pencil, and for God's sake...take your marching shoes home and wash them.
Choir directors:  Ask permission to order new music.
Band directors:  Order the music, then explain that it was on consignment.


This is all in good fun. For many of you reading this...your response is - "In 25 years of teaching, I've never forgotten anything on a trip!" That's great! But for the rest of you...I see that smirk! Some of you band directors are thinking..."she makes us sound like we're disorganized...and that's just not true!" Actually, band directors are the MOST organized people I know. It's just that when we're dealing with that many kids, that many hours a week, it's hard to keep up with every little thing. We are all music educators who love our students and do whatever we have to do to make our programs successful. It's an honor to do what we do...even though it doesn't always seem like it. Hang in there, my music educator friends! I hope you have a great, energized, musical year!! :)

Honey, Bunny!

Camille's Fairy House and toys. Notice the Cat In the Hat sitting on the toilet to the left of the fairy house?

There is something very special about 4 year old little ones that I adore. Their short, sweet legs that carry them with quick, stunted strides to the playground, or bathroom... make me smile.

I love how my niece, Camille, gets as close to my face as she possibly can when we lay down for naptime, puts her tiny fingered hands on my face and says, "I love you, Cuhruhlin." My heart melts just thinking about it.

After my first year of teaching, I thought I'd never go back to it. So, to fill the job void at that particular time, I worked at Payless Shoe Source and a Daycare. I taught the 4 year old class at the Day Care. There was this little guy with super blonde hair...actually white, big blue eyes and a personality that was all boy - named Hank. One day, when I was feeding the kiddos their snack, I was pouring milk and after I had poured Hank's milk...I was a couple of kids down from him still pouring and he says "Can I have some more milk, Honey Bunny???" I couldn't help but laugh at the big smile and flashing blue eyes as Hank held his cup up to me. At that very moment...was a sound that is a privilege for anyone to hear - who is fortunate enough to hear it...the sound of twenty 4 year olds laughing out loud!! I LOVE the energy that is produced in a room when kids are truly happy like that. It's palpable. John and I still jokingly call each other "Honey Bunny"!

Yesterday, Camille and I were playing "Fairies" (of course) with the fairy house that we made together several months ago. Now, anything or anyone can be a fairy. Therefore, Bethanie's giant Winnie the Pooh and the giant Marching Band Bear that Chuck Pound gave us for Christmas years ago, are both fair game. Camille leaned a piece of cardboard against the table that her fairy house sits on and said "We're going to watch a movie....and here's the popcorn!" She had an old Christmas stocking that she has played with since she was just a baby, filled with jingle bells. She propped all of the bears, tigers, frogs, Cat In The Hat, and everything else out of the fairy house - up on my lap and around me on the chair. She then declared..."Here's your popcorn!" Each of us got a piece of jingle bell popcorn to munch on while we watched the cardboard movie! Then, off to the toy piano ( my brother, Mike, bought this mini piano for Michele and myself when we were about Camille's age) to play and sing to all of us. Her first concert selection was Jingle Bells. Now, I know that it is only August, but evidently, Camille is very ready for Christmas because she turned and said to me as I (and the other fairies) applauded her performance..."Cuhruhlin, is it only 3 weeks until Christmas??" I replied, "No, honey, it is more like 3 months... a little more, actually." To which she replied, "Well, maybe I could watch your Christmas movies, ya know, like The Grinch!" Ahhhh to be young and only worry about when Christmas is going to get here!

I love the age of 4. Their brains are little sponges with all of the innocence, love and trust that can only be found in kids who haven't entered school age yet. I hope that all of you have the good fortune, like I do, to be hugged by a very sweet 4 year old today!

Black Leather, Spiked Hair and Kindergarten.

My elementary music classroom was off of the cafeteria, kind of away from the other classrooms in the building. It was later in the day, so the cafeteria was empty. In comes one of my kindergarten music classes! They all come in quietly and sit in their circle on the floor in excited anticipation of what today's music class is going to entail.

Just when I think they are all seated and the teacher exits the room, in straggles the last student in the line. He's adorable in his black leather jacket with big silver zippers all over it and a wide collar. His dark hair is spiked straight up in the air and his sweet little face houses big blue eyes with thick dark lashes. His tiny baby teeth are white when he grins and I love it when I see them flash when he's singing...he loves to sing...he loves music...and, he loves me. There is usually at least one moment during music class when he crawls up onto my lap for a quick hug.

I greet him as he slowly saunters into the classroom and is walking around the back of the circle of kiddos. I've already taken my seat at the head of the circle to sing our greeting when I notice that "Buddy" (not his real name) is stopping behind each student and quietly whispering something to every single child. I quickly make out the words he is whispering..."mother fu _ _ _ r"! Now, Buddy, at the ripe old age of 5 was not a stranger to the "office". He was often in trouble for various infractions but I just couldn't help myself...he had stolen my heart. Without hesitation, I stood up and said, "Buddy, you realize what we have to do now, don't you??" I said this as I crossed over to him and held my hand out to him...he quietly said "yeah."

As he looked up at me with those big blue eyes,  he wrapped his arms around my legs in a bear hug, then stepped back and grabbed my hand as his head and shoulders immediately slumped as if he just couldn't bear anymore disappointment. I hit the call button on the wall and asked for someone to meet me in the cafeteria since there was no one to cover my class while I walked him to the office.

The principal, a very tall man entered the cafeteria...as Buddy and I came through the classroom door, I noticed that he (the principal) had a big smile on his face as he saw the two of us..."Mrs. Devos, how are we doing?" As we met, the exchange was fast because I had to get back to the other children. I explained the entire scenario. I said that "Buddy was whispering some very unkind words to the other children. Words that he would have to talk to YOU about." Buddy is still clinging to my hand with his eyes directed down to the floor when I mouth "mother fu_ _ _ r" to the principal. I thought he was going to explode trying not to laugh out loud. He composed himself and directed his attention downward....way downward because he's 6 feet 3 or 4 inches tall and Buddy is a small kindergartener. He looked down at the tiny black leather jacket clad boy and said, "Buddy, did you use words we can't use here at school again?" In a hushed voice the answer was "yeah." The principal said, "well let's go talk about it, okay?" again..."yeah."

As I transferred his little hand from mine to the principals, he looked up at me. I smiled at him and said, "I'll see ya later, Buddy, okay?" I watched the two of them walk across the cafeteria hand in hand, the very picture of a young boy and a grown man and the understanding that takes place within that representation of two complete opposite ends of the male spectrum. As I started to close my classroom door, I glanced again at them just in time to see Buddy turn around to look at me and give me a little wave by curling his little fingers up and down on his free hand right up next to his cheek, as if he didn't want anyone else to see him do it. Not that there was anyone else to see it...in fact, the cafeteria lights were off and it was kind of dark with only the daylight coming in through the windows at the far end of the big room.

I've often wondered what has come of "Buddy". I hope he's happy and healthy and is living a productive life full of love, family and friends. I also wonder if he still wears a black leather jacket and spiked hair...even if he doesn't, in my mind he does.

Pasta, Pee and Me!

In my life, chain reactions tend to be funny. Let me tell you a short story about one that happened today...to me.

I had forgotten that John had to go to school tonight for some reason, so when I realized that he would be leaving in an hour, right around supper time...I moved into action to cook a quick, easy meal that he could eat before he left. (No good wife lets her husband go to work hungry!) So, into the kitchen I go...after having been sitting in the living room reading and drinking a cup of joe and a glass of tea over the last couple of hours.

I decide pasta is the simplest and fastest to prepare for the needed nightly nourishment. So out of the cubard I pull scroodles...our nickname for vegetable Rotini, pasta sauce and out of the refrigerator I get the garlic, half of a peeled onion, ground beef, and Smart Balance butter. Pasta, home made garlic bread and salad. Works for me. Now....while I'm gathering all of the necessary ingredients, it occurs to me that I have to pee. I can hold it. I think...yeah, I can hold it...it will only take about 5 minutes to get this all going...then I'll run to the bathroom. I run the water in the pot to get the pasta going...wow, this is taking a long time...this running water...ooooo....okay...put it on the stove...good. Open the sauces, pour in to the saucepan to heat up while the hamburger browns with garlic and onion, oregano and parsley...lay the bread on the sheet pan, mix the minced garlic with butter, spread onto bread...stir the browning meat, check the pasta water for a boil...okay....I can't wait any longer......I have to go pee.....NOW....I've been doing the "don't piss your pants dance" holding my legs together, moving quickly from one foot to another....thinking the entire time it's going to stream down my legs....but....I make it...barely....and the relief is awesome...but then, while I'm sitting in the bathroom thinking of how relieved I am....I hear something....I could hear the pasta sauce boiling and splashing out of the sauce pot....I had forgotten to turn it down! I finish quickly, wash my hands and realize I had forgotten to put a clean hand towel in the guest bathroom when I did laundry yesterday...so I go to the end of the hall, get one, dry my hands and take off for the kitchen. I can see it...red sauce all over the stove, stove front, the mircrowave above, the wood floor below and the counters and pots and pans all around! I immediately take the pasta pot off of the burner and start to clean up my mess. I put the bread in the oven....but forget that the cast iron pan is on the top shelf of the oven...until about 5 minutes later... I manage to combine the pasta sauce and cooked ground beef without incident. All of a sudden, I realize that the garlic bread isn't browning on top....oh yeah...I need to take the cast iron pan out of the oven...so I do and place it on top of the stove. I drain the pasta and return it to the pot, pour the meat sauce on top of it and turn the oven to broil so that the top of the garlic buttery bread will toast. As I do this...I absent mindedly grab the hot cast iron pan to move it without having first grabbed a pot holder. I immediately jerk my burned hand away, hit the big spoon in the pasta flinging it and pasta everywhere, step back away and hit my fat ass on the island behind me, which caused me to sidestep and knock the "trash" bowl off of the counter with my elbow... hitting my funny bone which I then grab with my burned hand, which at once felt like I had stuffed into a coal furnace...and there I stand...holding my burned hand, covered in pasta sauce, standing in pasta and sauce and trash bowl remnants...oh...the toasting garlic bread...I open the oven door...the bread is black. Black garlic bread...yummy... I think next time, I'll just piss myself! 

The moral of this chain reaction story is this: Always take a leak before you start cooking!

Goodness of Heart.

I'm always amazed at the outpouring of love and appreciation that I receive from former students...John and I both are. When I'm in the classroom, whether it be a choir or band rehearsal room, a Music Theory classroom, an elementary music classroom, or even like in Texas when I taught high school Speech and assisted with the dance class....I'm always very aware that I can have either a positive impact at any given moment or a negative one.  It's not easy for any teacher to always do the correct thing...when kids (kids can be 5 year olds or high school seniors...there are not that many differences)  are misbehaving, being rude and not listening...when outside influences are negatively affecting the way they react or don't react at school and to you as a teacher...it's not always easy to just smile and chalk it up to "a bad day". I've been in a few situations when a kid was cussing me out, not because of anything that I actually did to that student, but because they were already frustrated, upset, pissed off about another situation and then I just happened to rub them the wrong way...or they were looking for a fight. Over the years, I've learned to assess those situations a lot quicker and react in a more suitable way as to not add fuel to the student's fire, but to throw a little water on it to douse it some.  Once in a while, you just have a student who has decided that they just don't like you for whatever reason, and there isn't anything you can do about that. I used to think I could save them...but sometimes, no matter how hard you try or want to fix it, it is going to stay broken until that kid gets some relief somewhere else...or grows up and decides he or she was wrong. Obviously, this is a long process that many times, takes years...any many times....never even happens.

I'm fortunate. I've had some wonderful years of teaching...18 before I stopped teaching last year. I've always maintained one important thought about my students...any students actually. If I show them that I'm a good person with a good heart and insist that they be a good person with a good heart...good things will happen. It's so very true. You have to be right with yourself, comfortable in your own skin and confident to be an excellent teacher. Teaching is SOOOOOOOOOOO hard...whether you are a master teacher beloved by all, or a struggling teacher who isn't very good and doesn't know how to get better or doesn't care to get better.....IT'S a very difficult road on which to drive. Curvy, slick, and ridden with giant potholes. Potholes that are unavoidable at times.

Having had a year off and taking another year off from the education arena has given me a little different perspective. When you are so entrenched year after year...counting the years to retirement or just starting your first year and counting the days to the end of that first year, when you are in that "counting" process, something happens to us as educators. We become our jobs...whether we mean to or not...many times our entire identity is what we do for a living (meaning the financial living) but...as educators, it is almost every waking thought....NOT the financial part of it...but the teaching part of it. The constant preparation on our own time, constantly worrying about lesson plans, evaluations, meetings that get nowhere or somewhere you know isn't the best thing for the students, buying things out of our own pockets for our programs, classrooms, etc. Giving the kids that don't have money for lunch a couple of bucks, when you don't actually have it to give... paying for tickets for the "trip" for the kids who are too embarrassed to ask their parents for money because they don't want to make them feel worse about not being able to provide at that particular time, taking kids home when their parents forget them or just can't come get them and it's already 11:00pm...and there is NO other choice even though we're not supposed to give rides...buying new shoes for the kid who has holes in his and the snow is up to your knees, loaning your personal instruments, books, etc to kids who can't afford to buy or rent one...but in whom you see lots of potential and so you take the risk just hoping it will help them realize that potential, being parents to the kiddos who have biological parents...but that's as far as it goes..., being awakened at 2:00am by the phone by a student or a parent who says that their friend or son or daughter is threatening to commit suicide and will only talk to you... Yeah, teaching is a lot more than just counting the days or years to retirement. 

I've had people say to me..."Well, you may not make a lot, but you get your summers off." I've crafted a new response to these non-educators...and it is simply this. Those "summers" which is actually only about 2 months now, CAN NOT possibly add up to the late nights, Saturdays, Sunday afternoons, days off that are spent at school or doing school activities or prepping for class, concerts, performances, football games, basketball games, assemblies, parades, service projects, honors banquets, competitions, hours counseling upset or angry students... CAN IT??? I'm an educator. I don't have children of my own, I have students...some of whom are educators themselves now, and still call John and myself for advice, help or just a shoulder to cry on when things don't work out the way they thought they would. Those kiddos call us Mom and Dad, which was a joke in the beginning...but somewhere along the line, through the years... became an endearment. John and I have paid for college courses for a couple of our students, paid for groceries for students and have spent countless hours getting students through tough classes...middle school, high school and college classes...just so they could pass and go on with the next step. I know that we don't have the "parental rights" that having biological children gives us and so we are constantly getting the " you don't understand because you don't have kids" thrown in our faces by not only parents of students, but by our own family members...and I have to say...we know that. We both realize that we don't have kids...thanks for reminding us...but we both also know that we DO have kids - No, I didn't give birth to them, and maybe not in the paying for life, car and health insurance way at least not every month... or worrying about braces, illnesses or any of the other trillion things parents have to think about on an hourly basis, but we do get it. And, many times we see the things that parents can't or won't or don't. In fact, ALL of the time we see those things. The things that being a parent automatically makes you blind to are the things we as NON-PARENTS automatically see...and seems so obvious to us. So insanely obvious for non parents to see and respond to. 

I just want all of my former students to know this. I have always tried to make learning enjoyable, exciting and interesting...the past few years of dealing with the RA made it a lot harder and I know that I didn't do as well as I had previously as a music educator, and for that I apologize. But know that I always had the best intentions. If I have ever said or done anything that hurt or offended any of you, I apologize for that. When your every word and facial expression are monitored and judged, as all educator's are, it's bound to happen. Slip ups will happen...we are only human. So, to my former students...I hope your life has turned out the way you wanted it to...I wish you all the happiness in the world and if it hasn't turned out the way you wanted it to....remember that YOU are the only one who can change it, fix it, redirect it. Be a good person, do good things, be honest and loving and the world will be a much easier place in which to make your ideal life happen. Always be a good person. ALWAYS. :)

Heaven...Parallel Universe?!

Parallel universes. There's an idea that I can't get my mind around. John and I watched the movie "The Source Code" tonight. It was good...and made me pause for a moment to think about alternate worlds, other mes doing different things, married to someone else or not married at all...knowing different things, being talented in different areas...not liking coffee... (ha ha) Anyway, it's funny to think about those things, I think any alternate mes would still have to be outspoken...just can't imagine it any other way. But then, that's the beauty of the alternate, parallel universe...we CAN'T imagine it and so it exists safely tucked away right beside us, around us- so close, yet undetectable to us. Right now I imagine one of my alternate mes as getting ready as her butler tells her that her driver has pulled the car around and that her private jet to her private tropical island is fueled and ready to wisk her away. Bitch. 

There's kind of a sense of comfort thinking about that other place...whether it exists or not...it's fun to think about all of the possibilities within our world and within the realm of an existence we can't comprehend, at least not in its entirety. Actually, it sounds like heaven to me. Literally...that's how I think about heaven...all of the possibilities, comfortable thoughts and things I can't comprehend. Maybe heaven is the parallel universe. Maybe, just maybe...happiness, kindness, caring and love are all that exist there. For me, I'm going to picture heaven as being on a sun-drenched beach, laying in a lounge chair, the warm, soft sand between my toes, the blue, clear water lapping at the shore just a few feet away from me and I'm holding an ice cold drink in my hand and there's no one around. Seagulls are calling, the waves are breaking and I am closing my eyes as the cool breeze brushes over me. Ahhhhh. My little slice of heaven. Wait...there's one person besides me around...I need a cabana boy to refresh my drink once in a while!

Coffee, The Ultimate Comfort.

I haven't blogged in a few weeks. I've been gone, busy or just not motivated to write. But today is a great day for putting words on paper, or in this case, sending words through satellites!

First, I want to talk about coffee. Let me put it into perspective for you.

You wake up, you're still tired, but you don't have to go anywhere or do anything this particular morning. You slowly work your way to the kitchen in your baggy pajama pants and an old concert t-shirt that has holes in the armpits, and has seen better days, but you just can't stand to part with it. That shirt magically holds memories of youth, happiness and health. You step up to the coffee maker with the anticipation of being engulfed by the aroma that is only present when opening a fresh bag of roasted coffee beans. You slowly fill the coffee pot with water and let it drizzle into the maker. In goes the coffee filter and then...you carefully scoop the desired amount of beans into the grinder. You press the button and all of a sudden there is this vicious assault on all of your senses... but mostly on your hearing. However, you endure it because you know...that in just a few short minutes, after the vibrating grinder stops under your fingers, that the steeping, hot, wet, dark liquid will soon pass your lips and teeth, and bathe the sensitive taste buds of your tongue only to ever so gently pass down your throat and esophagus. At this point, there is a comfort level that no words can express. That first sip of the rich warmth is always the best. At this point, your hands curl around the mug, you lean against the counter and pledge to make the day ahead of you a positive one for those who surround you.

Okay, that was number one...but I really don't have a number two right now...I've got to go make a pot o' joe. 

Sparky Snickers

We didn't make any special plans for the 4th of July this year. In fact, we didn't make any plans at all! John ended up falling asleep and I went over to Michele and Daron's to watch the fireworks wars with Michele, Kendrick and Camille that their neighborhood has every year. The big city sponsored firework displays were all done on Saturday night for some odd reason this year, and the 4th was on Monday...oh well, missed it. After I got home around 10:30pm that night, John woke up and we were sitting in the living room talking and watching tv. I kept hearing what I thought was a strange noise from outside...stranger than all of the crazy loud fireworks going off! John got up and there was a little black and gray striped kitten on our deck looking in our back door and meowing, terrified out of his mind. Of course, my heart sank, and instantly John opened the door and the kitten came scampering in. When he ran in, it was obvious he was scared and confused. He didn't realize he was at the wrong house until he came inside, I think. John gently picked him up and we both went out on the deck with him. We knew he had to be someone's pet even though he didn't have a collar. He was de-clawed and acted like he'd been around people by how loving and trusting he was.

John got the kitty a bowl of milk and we sat out on the deck with him. He jumped up on my lap and I held him and scratched his ears. He'd go back and forth between John and myself getting as much loving and scratching as he could!  He'd get up in my lap, cuddle up as closely as he could get to me and tucked his little face under my arm to hide from the loud explosions. He started purring and fell asleep for just a couple of minutes. The fireworks died down the later it became and he perked up. He jumped down off of my lap and started batting at and pouncing on the Junebugs that were flying around the window of our back door. After about an hour and a half, John and I went inside to go to bed and he started pawing at the window for us to let him in. We said our goodnights to him and went to bed thoroughly expecting him to be gone by morning, hopefully having found his people.

The next morning, John got up around 6a.m. and came in to wake me up to tell me the kitten was still on the deck. John had cut up a piece of salami for him...he ate most of it! As the morning went on the sun was beating down on the deck and it was so hot, the little thing was just laying there in the shade of the table, panting like you see lions do. I felt so sorry for him. I picked him up and put him on our front porch where it was much cooler and out of the streaming sun. I gave him cold water and knew I had to do something for him before the sun reached the front of the house in the afternoon, so I called our neighbor just to see if they had lost their pet. We found out that the kitten had adopted them just a few days before and their little girl had fallen in love with it. She's about 8 or 9 and had named him "Snickers". I had been calling him Sparky since he'd shown up on the 4th of July. The neighbors had taken him in, bought food for him and were keeping him.

Relieved to know that he was going to have a family to care for him, I went out to sit with him until the neighbor girl came to get him. He was rolling around on the cool concrete and jumping on my lap and rubbing my feet and hands trying to get every possible loving stroke he could from me. After about five minutes, the neighbor girl came trekking across the yard and came around the corner. She smiled really big when she saw him and said with delight, "SNICKERS!" The kitty jumped up off of my feet and galloped to his girl. She picked him up and said "I was so worried about you!" He loved on her, obviously glad to see her. He ventured back and forth between the two of us and loved on us both  as we talked. When it was time for her to go, we said our goodbyes and she turned to walk across the yards. She turned back and said "Come on, Snickers!" The sweet, green-eyed kitten took a couple of romps toward the direction she was traveling then...he stopped. He turned his little head around and looked at me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I said "It's okay, buddy...go with your girl." With that, he was on her heels, chasing her across the lawn.

I love animals of all kinds, but I think "Sparky Snickers", the scared kitten that ran out of the neighbor's house on July 4th, 2011 between fireworks explosions, will have a special place in my heart for a long time to come.

Reasonable Doubt Being Doubted

The verdict on the State of Florida vs. Caylee Anthony case was read today. Many people were shocked that she was found NOT GUILTY on the following charges.
First Degree Murder
Manslaughter
Child Abuse
She WAS convicted of lying to law enforcement. As much as this has enraged people, the fact is - that in a court of law in the United States of America, if Reasonable Doubt can be established, then a conviction, by law....can not be imparted by the jury. 

Just because we know Casey is a pathological liar and her parents obviously share the same problem, and the pieces of this crazy, disgusting, convoluted puzzle which not only resulted in the death of a beautiful child, but also disrespected and disgraced her small body after her untimely, sad death - does not mean that the jury can convict Casey.


The prosecution obviously thought that the media had won this case for them over the past 3 years. They had to know that there was reasonable doubt....the "facts" were too fucked up from the continuous lies and findings from Casey, her parents, her brother, to the meter reader that "found" little Caylee's remains. When the prosecution threw First Degree Murder AND Manslaughter AND Child Abuse along with the lesser charges at Casey- thinking they'd get one of them to stick, they should have known that there was going to be REASONABLE DOUBT and that she wouldn't be convicted. If they wanted to make sure she was convicted, the prosecution should have charged her with 2nd Degree Murder (which is not pre-meditated) and that jury would have convicted her. But, because Prosecutor Ashton wanted the death penalty - and was more than likely thinking he was going to become famous - and his cockiness got the best of him during the trial, he blew it.


John and I talked about this at length this afternoon. He should have been a lawyer...he loves it and he's good at it. When he was accepted into Wesleyan Law School in Fort Worth a few years back, I just couldn't see how we could make it work being an hour away...maybe he'll get another shot someday...he needs to be a lawyer. He still studies it and his knowledge of criminal law is amazing. Of course, John being John is brilliant at whatever he chooses to do...his mind is incredible.


Back to the Anthony family...wow. Those people...those horrible people...I hope they get help and look at this day as a precious gift. Whether they like each other or not, whether they have anything to do with each other or not...divorce or not....they ALL need serious mental health help. 


The fact is...I'm thankful for Reasonable Doubt. Too many people have been convicted and put to death in this country only to find out afterward that the evidence proved they were innocent. This is the crux of my own dilemma. I've always thought that if someone were to hurt or kill someone that I love, I wouldn't have a problem with that individual being put to death. Now, after years of studying it and re-thinking it...I guess I just don't know. 

If you want information on wrongful convictions there is plenty out there for your perusal. I personally appreciate all that our police, detectives and other law enforcement do to get at the truth...even when the truth is not the truth.
 

Old Friends.

The retirement party planning is finished and Dr. John B. Egbert is now officially enjoying the next stage of his life! The party was a success and I'm glad that we were able to enjoy old friends, make new friends and show JBE just how much we all love him.

After having spent the better part of a year putting this party together, I'm finding that my heart and mind are overwhelmed with the need to stay connected with old friends that over the last 20 years have lived our separate lives and with whom I've not been in contact! It was an emotional roller coaster Sat. night. When I saw Amy Flaker-Craig for the first time since her wedding 16 years ago, we embraced like two old lost friends do...the tears rolled down my cheeks as she said..."you still smell the same!" I'm hoping that was the Liz Claiborne and not sweat she was wiffing. Amy is one of the sweetest, nicest people in the world and I love her with all of my heart. As one of my best friends in college, we shared numerous experiences through choir, doing musicals, parties, snowy spring breaks, aerobics classes, beers and cooking chinese together. We helped each other through break-ups and shared in the excitement of new loves. But, life happened, and like soooooo many of my other friends from college...we have all done our own thing... married, careers, children for some. Life.

Keith Allen is another one of my good friends from my days at the University. He is still one of the funniest people I have ever met. You can't help but smile when he makes eye contact with you. It is truly impossible. The twinkle in those big brown eyes and the flash of those teeth still make me shutter a little wondering what the hell he's up to. His southern Missouri twang in that deep bass voice of his makes me want to pick up a guitar (if I could play one) and make him start singing John Denver's "Thank God I'm  A Country Boy!" Keith was always there with a helping hand if anybody ever needed anything. He was also always there with a hand out if you had any kind of food laying around. We lived with several of our other music friends in the same old, nasty house we called "Skid Row". It had been divided into three apartments, and having choir rehearsal at noon every day with Dr. Egbert, we all saw a lot of each other. He is a kind, gentle soul with a loving heart and personality. And...I still love him dearly.

I could go on...about many more friends that I hadn't seen in 20 years, but for now, I'm writing this blog with a smile on my face and in my soul.

I'd like to thank John Egbert for giving us the musical experiences that electrified our musical family at Southeast Missouri State University in the mid to late 80's and early 90's. It was six years of my life from the age of 18 to the age of 24. In that time, I grew from a teenager with very little life experience into a young woman with confidence, knowledge and drive. 
I did not know that planning this retirement party would have the effect on me that it did. I'm feeling much better about not being able to teach right now, about not being able to do any of the things I truly love... because seeing those people gave me a boost and helped me to remember that WHO I am is not what my body and disease dictate. I am still the same girl inside my heart and mind. I just had to have a nudge to find her again.


 

Answers, please.

I have many questions about life. Here are some of them! Feel free to answer...I'd LOVE some answers.

Question #1.
Do the people who drive in the left hand lane on the interstate - going the speed limit - do it just to piss the rest of us off?

Question #2.
What makes little kids smell like wet dogs after they've been outside playing?

Question #3.
Karma...moral causation. Are the Buddhists right about this? If so, at what point do the people that are assholes get what's coming to them??


Question #4.
Is God? That's it. Is God.

Question #5.
Why doesn't my heart sing anymore? Too much life, perhaps? Or is it because I'm constantly questioning #4?

Question #6.
What happens when we die? Really.....don't tell me some white light....unless it's the truth.


Question #7.
Do any of you who read this blog ever feel the presence of a deceased loved one? Or smell, hear or even see them? Or any deceased persons? I have many questions about this one...but for now...we'll just leave it at that.


Questions #8.
Why is it that kids and animals are so drawn to certain people?


Question #9.
Have any of you ever been in the presence of true evil?


Question #10.
I try to put out positive vibes into the world as much as possible. How do you do it??


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