There are times in our lives when we all have to pause for a moment to think about what we are going to do next in our existence that is continually bombarded with obstacles, negative events and rude people. The good thing is, that there are usually good events, obstacles that are easily maneuvered around or moved, and nice people that we come across too. But, when faced with the earlier mentioned situations, decisions have to be made that are not only hard, but heart wrenching. In fact, it seems...many times...that it is impossible to make a "good" decision.
The decision to stop teaching one and a half years ago was one of those decisions. I'm so out of the loop...I feel really estranged from the music education world, in fact from music itself. I'm not able to perform right now because of my physical limitations. I can't stand through a concert to sing, or stand to conduct a concert. I could play horn, but it would take months to get my chops in shape and I don't have an instrument. So, I'm kinda stuck right now.
The people...other directors... in this area (Springfield) have no idea what my teaching abilities are. They don't know that when I'm feeling well and not in pain, that I'm an excellent music educator. No one knows that when the RA is not drowning me, I'm one of the best teachers around. This is not bragging. I've worked hard over the last 25 years to become the best music educator I could be, and the last 8 years that I taught with the disease, there were some days I couldn't even function at work. I never was able to teach "full out" like I did on a daily basis B.R.A. (before R.A.) I miss having the energy, excitement and the feelings of accomplishment that I got from being in front of a group of high school kids that wanted to make me proud. The looks on their faces when that one chord came together and sent goosebumps crawling across their skin...that's one I really miss.
I also miss teaching elementary music. After having taught high school for so many years, then getting certified in Kodaly, and teaching elementary for a while, I really learned a lot about being a better music educator. The Kodaly sequence brought it all together for me. I became a better high school teacher because of my elementary experience using Kodaly. However, I was so sick while doing all of this, I never REALLY got to give my teaching one hundred percent.
This isn't a pity party. I'm just thinking through some things. I love teaching privately and have some students who will probably be starting private lessons again soon but it's still not the same as being in front of a choir or band. And it's not the same as taking kindergarteners from the first day of school and teaching them how to make a circle sitting on the floor, to performing, reading, improvising and composing music at the end of 5th grade. There is a sense of accomplishment...contentment... that comes from those experiences and I guess I'm going to have to find another way to be able to feel that same sense of accomplishment once again.
I've been vocalizing, getting my voice back into shape which is a good thing about NOT teaching. My voice has had time to rest and I'm able to extend my range once again and not be hoarse and vocally exhausted from teaching all day. I even was able to have so much resonance that it made my inner ears tickle! IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE THAT HAS HAPPENED!!! For those of you who are not vocalists, that means that there was so much muscular freedom and vocal ease that the vibrations in the mask of my face actually tickled down in my ears. That's a GOOD thing! :)
Well, I'm going to go sing for a while and make myself feel better about my current situation. The Christmas tree is up, the mantle is decorated and after I sing, I'll finish the rest. Thanks for reading.
The decision to stop teaching one and a half years ago was one of those decisions. I'm so out of the loop...I feel really estranged from the music education world, in fact from music itself. I'm not able to perform right now because of my physical limitations. I can't stand through a concert to sing, or stand to conduct a concert. I could play horn, but it would take months to get my chops in shape and I don't have an instrument. So, I'm kinda stuck right now.
The people...other directors... in this area (Springfield) have no idea what my teaching abilities are. They don't know that when I'm feeling well and not in pain, that I'm an excellent music educator. No one knows that when the RA is not drowning me, I'm one of the best teachers around. This is not bragging. I've worked hard over the last 25 years to become the best music educator I could be, and the last 8 years that I taught with the disease, there were some days I couldn't even function at work. I never was able to teach "full out" like I did on a daily basis B.R.A. (before R.A.) I miss having the energy, excitement and the feelings of accomplishment that I got from being in front of a group of high school kids that wanted to make me proud. The looks on their faces when that one chord came together and sent goosebumps crawling across their skin...that's one I really miss.
I also miss teaching elementary music. After having taught high school for so many years, then getting certified in Kodaly, and teaching elementary for a while, I really learned a lot about being a better music educator. The Kodaly sequence brought it all together for me. I became a better high school teacher because of my elementary experience using Kodaly. However, I was so sick while doing all of this, I never REALLY got to give my teaching one hundred percent.
This isn't a pity party. I'm just thinking through some things. I love teaching privately and have some students who will probably be starting private lessons again soon but it's still not the same as being in front of a choir or band. And it's not the same as taking kindergarteners from the first day of school and teaching them how to make a circle sitting on the floor, to performing, reading, improvising and composing music at the end of 5th grade. There is a sense of accomplishment...contentment... that comes from those experiences and I guess I'm going to have to find another way to be able to feel that same sense of accomplishment once again.
I've been vocalizing, getting my voice back into shape which is a good thing about NOT teaching. My voice has had time to rest and I'm able to extend my range once again and not be hoarse and vocally exhausted from teaching all day. I even was able to have so much resonance that it made my inner ears tickle! IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE THAT HAS HAPPENED!!! For those of you who are not vocalists, that means that there was so much muscular freedom and vocal ease that the vibrations in the mask of my face actually tickled down in my ears. That's a GOOD thing! :)
Well, I'm going to go sing for a while and make myself feel better about my current situation. The Christmas tree is up, the mantle is decorated and after I sing, I'll finish the rest. Thanks for reading.
I agreed wholeheartedly with your honest assessment of your skills. The short time spent in collaboration with you was a joy. When we get together why don't I play for you and you can play for me. I need to check my pipes. They are rusty but they feel like singing again.
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