I'm always amazed at the outpouring of love and appreciation that I receive from former students...John and I both are. When I'm in the classroom, whether it be a choir or band rehearsal room, a Music Theory classroom, an elementary music classroom, or even like in Texas when I taught high school Speech and assisted with the dance class....I'm always very aware that I can have either a positive impact at any given moment or a negative one. It's not easy for any teacher to always do the correct thing...when kids (kids can be 5 year olds or high school seniors...there are not that many differences) are misbehaving, being rude and not listening...when outside influences are negatively affecting the way they react or don't react at school and to you as a teacher...it's not always easy to just smile and chalk it up to "a bad day". I've been in a few situations when a kid was cussing me out, not because of anything that I actually did to that student, but because they were already frustrated, upset, pissed off about another situation and then I just happened to rub them the wrong way...or they were looking for a fight. Over the years, I've learned to assess those situations a lot quicker and react in a more suitable way as to not add fuel to the student's fire, but to throw a little water on it to douse it some. Once in a while, you just have a student who has decided that they just don't like you for whatever reason, and there isn't anything you can do about that. I used to think I could save them...but sometimes, no matter how hard you try or want to fix it, it is going to stay broken until that kid gets some relief somewhere else...or grows up and decides he or she was wrong. Obviously, this is a long process that many times, takes years...any many times....never even happens.
I'm fortunate. I've had some wonderful years of teaching...18 before I stopped teaching last year. I've always maintained one important thought about my students...any students actually. If I show them that I'm a good person with a good heart and insist that they be a good person with a good heart...good things will happen. It's so very true. You have to be right with yourself, comfortable in your own skin and confident to be an excellent teacher. Teaching is SOOOOOOOOOOO hard...whether you are a master teacher beloved by all, or a struggling teacher who isn't very good and doesn't know how to get better or doesn't care to get better.....IT'S a very difficult road on which to drive. Curvy, slick, and ridden with giant potholes. Potholes that are unavoidable at times.
Having had a year off and taking another year off from the education arena has given me a little different perspective. When you are so entrenched year after year...counting the years to retirement or just starting your first year and counting the days to the end of that first year, when you are in that "counting" process, something happens to us as educators. We become our jobs...whether we mean to or not...many times our entire identity is what we do for a living (meaning the financial living) but...as educators, it is almost every waking thought....NOT the financial part of it...but the teaching part of it. The constant preparation on our own time, constantly worrying about lesson plans, evaluations, meetings that get nowhere or somewhere you know isn't the best thing for the students, buying things out of our own pockets for our programs, classrooms, etc. Giving the kids that don't have money for lunch a couple of bucks, when you don't actually have it to give... paying for tickets for the "trip" for the kids who are too embarrassed to ask their parents for money because they don't want to make them feel worse about not being able to provide at that particular time, taking kids home when their parents forget them or just can't come get them and it's already 11:00pm...and there is NO other choice even though we're not supposed to give rides...buying new shoes for the kid who has holes in his and the snow is up to your knees, loaning your personal instruments, books, etc to kids who can't afford to buy or rent one...but in whom you see lots of potential and so you take the risk just hoping it will help them realize that potential, being parents to the kiddos who have biological parents...but that's as far as it goes..., being awakened at 2:00am by the phone by a student or a parent who says that their friend or son or daughter is threatening to commit suicide and will only talk to you... Yeah, teaching is a lot more than just counting the days or years to retirement.
I've had people say to me..."Well, you may not make a lot, but you get your summers off." I've crafted a new response to these non-educators...and it is simply this. Those "summers" which is actually only about 2 months now, CAN NOT possibly add up to the late nights, Saturdays, Sunday afternoons, days off that are spent at school or doing school activities or prepping for class, concerts, performances, football games, basketball games, assemblies, parades, service projects, honors banquets, competitions, hours counseling upset or angry students... CAN IT??? I'm an educator. I don't have children of my own, I have students...some of whom are educators themselves now, and still call John and myself for advice, help or just a shoulder to cry on when things don't work out the way they thought they would. Those kiddos call us Mom and Dad, which was a joke in the beginning...but somewhere along the line, through the years... became an endearment. John and I have paid for college courses for a couple of our students, paid for groceries for students and have spent countless hours getting students through tough classes...middle school, high school and college classes...just so they could pass and go on with the next step. I know that we don't have the "parental rights" that having biological children gives us and so we are constantly getting the " you don't understand because you don't have kids" thrown in our faces by not only parents of students, but by our own family members...and I have to say...we know that. We both realize that we don't have kids...thanks for reminding us...but we both also know that we DO have kids - No, I didn't give birth to them, and maybe not in the paying for life, car and health insurance way at least not every month... or worrying about braces, illnesses or any of the other trillion things parents have to think about on an hourly basis, but we do get it. And, many times we see the things that parents can't or won't or don't. In fact, ALL of the time we see those things. The things that being a parent automatically makes you blind to are the things we as NON-PARENTS automatically see...and seems so obvious to us. So insanely obvious for non parents to see and respond to.
I just want all of my former students to know this. I have always tried to make learning enjoyable, exciting and interesting...the past few years of dealing with the RA made it a lot harder and I know that I didn't do as well as I had previously as a music educator, and for that I apologize. But know that I always had the best intentions. If I have ever said or done anything that hurt or offended any of you, I apologize for that. When your every word and facial expression are monitored and judged, as all educator's are, it's bound to happen. Slip ups will happen...we are only human. So, to my former students...I hope your life has turned out the way you wanted it to...I wish you all the happiness in the world and if it hasn't turned out the way you wanted it to....remember that YOU are the only one who can change it, fix it, redirect it. Be a good person, do good things, be honest and loving and the world will be a much easier place in which to make your ideal life happen. Always be a good person. ALWAYS. :)
I'm fortunate. I've had some wonderful years of teaching...18 before I stopped teaching last year. I've always maintained one important thought about my students...any students actually. If I show them that I'm a good person with a good heart and insist that they be a good person with a good heart...good things will happen. It's so very true. You have to be right with yourself, comfortable in your own skin and confident to be an excellent teacher. Teaching is SOOOOOOOOOOO hard...whether you are a master teacher beloved by all, or a struggling teacher who isn't very good and doesn't know how to get better or doesn't care to get better.....IT'S a very difficult road on which to drive. Curvy, slick, and ridden with giant potholes. Potholes that are unavoidable at times.
Having had a year off and taking another year off from the education arena has given me a little different perspective. When you are so entrenched year after year...counting the years to retirement or just starting your first year and counting the days to the end of that first year, when you are in that "counting" process, something happens to us as educators. We become our jobs...whether we mean to or not...many times our entire identity is what we do for a living (meaning the financial living) but...as educators, it is almost every waking thought....NOT the financial part of it...but the teaching part of it. The constant preparation on our own time, constantly worrying about lesson plans, evaluations, meetings that get nowhere or somewhere you know isn't the best thing for the students, buying things out of our own pockets for our programs, classrooms, etc. Giving the kids that don't have money for lunch a couple of bucks, when you don't actually have it to give... paying for tickets for the "trip" for the kids who are too embarrassed to ask their parents for money because they don't want to make them feel worse about not being able to provide at that particular time, taking kids home when their parents forget them or just can't come get them and it's already 11:00pm...and there is NO other choice even though we're not supposed to give rides...buying new shoes for the kid who has holes in his and the snow is up to your knees, loaning your personal instruments, books, etc to kids who can't afford to buy or rent one...but in whom you see lots of potential and so you take the risk just hoping it will help them realize that potential, being parents to the kiddos who have biological parents...but that's as far as it goes..., being awakened at 2:00am by the phone by a student or a parent who says that their friend or son or daughter is threatening to commit suicide and will only talk to you... Yeah, teaching is a lot more than just counting the days or years to retirement.
I've had people say to me..."Well, you may not make a lot, but you get your summers off." I've crafted a new response to these non-educators...and it is simply this. Those "summers" which is actually only about 2 months now, CAN NOT possibly add up to the late nights, Saturdays, Sunday afternoons, days off that are spent at school or doing school activities or prepping for class, concerts, performances, football games, basketball games, assemblies, parades, service projects, honors banquets, competitions, hours counseling upset or angry students... CAN IT??? I'm an educator. I don't have children of my own, I have students...some of whom are educators themselves now, and still call John and myself for advice, help or just a shoulder to cry on when things don't work out the way they thought they would. Those kiddos call us Mom and Dad, which was a joke in the beginning...but somewhere along the line, through the years... became an endearment. John and I have paid for college courses for a couple of our students, paid for groceries for students and have spent countless hours getting students through tough classes...middle school, high school and college classes...just so they could pass and go on with the next step. I know that we don't have the "parental rights" that having biological children gives us and so we are constantly getting the " you don't understand because you don't have kids" thrown in our faces by not only parents of students, but by our own family members...and I have to say...we know that. We both realize that we don't have kids...thanks for reminding us...but we both also know that we DO have kids - No, I didn't give birth to them, and maybe not in the paying for life, car and health insurance way at least not every month... or worrying about braces, illnesses or any of the other trillion things parents have to think about on an hourly basis, but we do get it. And, many times we see the things that parents can't or won't or don't. In fact, ALL of the time we see those things. The things that being a parent automatically makes you blind to are the things we as NON-PARENTS automatically see...and seems so obvious to us. So insanely obvious for non parents to see and respond to.
I just want all of my former students to know this. I have always tried to make learning enjoyable, exciting and interesting...the past few years of dealing with the RA made it a lot harder and I know that I didn't do as well as I had previously as a music educator, and for that I apologize. But know that I always had the best intentions. If I have ever said or done anything that hurt or offended any of you, I apologize for that. When your every word and facial expression are monitored and judged, as all educator's are, it's bound to happen. Slip ups will happen...we are only human. So, to my former students...I hope your life has turned out the way you wanted it to...I wish you all the happiness in the world and if it hasn't turned out the way you wanted it to....remember that YOU are the only one who can change it, fix it, redirect it. Be a good person, do good things, be honest and loving and the world will be a much easier place in which to make your ideal life happen. Always be a good person. ALWAYS. :)
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