In my life, chain reactions tend to be funny. Let me tell you a short story about one that happened today...to me.
I had forgotten that John had to go to school tonight for some reason, so when I realized that he would be leaving in an hour, right around supper time...I moved into action to cook a quick, easy meal that he could eat before he left. (No good wife lets her husband go to work hungry!) So, into the kitchen I go...after having been sitting in the living room reading and drinking a cup of joe and a glass of tea over the last couple of hours.
I decide pasta is the simplest and fastest to prepare for the needed nightly nourishment. So out of the cubard I pull scroodles...our nickname for vegetable Rotini, pasta sauce and out of the refrigerator I get the garlic, half of a peeled onion, ground beef, and Smart Balance butter. Pasta, home made garlic bread and salad. Works for me. Now....while I'm gathering all of the necessary ingredients, it occurs to me that I have to pee. I can hold it. I think...yeah, I can hold it...it will only take about 5 minutes to get this all going...then I'll run to the bathroom. I run the water in the pot to get the pasta going...wow, this is taking a long time...this running water...ooooo....okay...put it on the stove...good. Open the sauces, pour in to the saucepan to heat up while the hamburger browns with garlic and onion, oregano and parsley...lay the bread on the sheet pan, mix the minced garlic with butter, spread onto bread...stir the browning meat, check the pasta water for a boil...okay....I can't wait any longer......I have to go pee.....NOW....I've been doing the "don't piss your pants dance" holding my legs together, moving quickly from one foot to another....thinking the entire time it's going to stream down my legs....but....I make it...barely....and the relief is awesome...but then, while I'm sitting in the bathroom thinking of how relieved I am....I hear something....I could hear the pasta sauce boiling and splashing out of the sauce pot....I had forgotten to turn it down! I finish quickly, wash my hands and realize I had forgotten to put a clean hand towel in the guest bathroom when I did laundry yesterday...so I go to the end of the hall, get one, dry my hands and take off for the kitchen. I can see it...red sauce all over the stove, stove front, the mircrowave above, the wood floor below and the counters and pots and pans all around! I immediately take the pasta pot off of the burner and start to clean up my mess. I put the bread in the oven....but forget that the cast iron pan is on the top shelf of the oven...until about 5 minutes later... I manage to combine the pasta sauce and cooked ground beef without incident. All of a sudden, I realize that the garlic bread isn't browning on top....oh yeah...I need to take the cast iron pan out of the oven...so I do and place it on top of the stove. I drain the pasta and return it to the pot, pour the meat sauce on top of it and turn the oven to broil so that the top of the garlic buttery bread will toast. As I do this...I absent mindedly grab the hot cast iron pan to move it without having first grabbed a pot holder. I immediately jerk my burned hand away, hit the big spoon in the pasta flinging it and pasta everywhere, step back away and hit my fat ass on the island behind me, which caused me to sidestep and knock the "trash" bowl off of the counter with my elbow... hitting my funny bone which I then grab with my burned hand, which at once felt like I had stuffed into a coal furnace...and there I stand...holding my burned hand, covered in pasta sauce, standing in pasta and sauce and trash bowl remnants...oh...the toasting garlic bread...I open the oven door...the bread is black. Black garlic bread...yummy... I think next time, I'll just piss myself!
The moral of this chain reaction story is this: Always take a leak before you start cooking!
I had forgotten that John had to go to school tonight for some reason, so when I realized that he would be leaving in an hour, right around supper time...I moved into action to cook a quick, easy meal that he could eat before he left. (No good wife lets her husband go to work hungry!) So, into the kitchen I go...after having been sitting in the living room reading and drinking a cup of joe and a glass of tea over the last couple of hours.
I decide pasta is the simplest and fastest to prepare for the needed nightly nourishment. So out of the cubard I pull scroodles...our nickname for vegetable Rotini, pasta sauce and out of the refrigerator I get the garlic, half of a peeled onion, ground beef, and Smart Balance butter. Pasta, home made garlic bread and salad. Works for me. Now....while I'm gathering all of the necessary ingredients, it occurs to me that I have to pee. I can hold it. I think...yeah, I can hold it...it will only take about 5 minutes to get this all going...then I'll run to the bathroom. I run the water in the pot to get the pasta going...wow, this is taking a long time...this running water...ooooo....okay...put it on the stove...good. Open the sauces, pour in to the saucepan to heat up while the hamburger browns with garlic and onion, oregano and parsley...lay the bread on the sheet pan, mix the minced garlic with butter, spread onto bread...stir the browning meat, check the pasta water for a boil...okay....I can't wait any longer......I have to go pee.....NOW....I've been doing the "don't piss your pants dance" holding my legs together, moving quickly from one foot to another....thinking the entire time it's going to stream down my legs....but....I make it...barely....and the relief is awesome...but then, while I'm sitting in the bathroom thinking of how relieved I am....I hear something....I could hear the pasta sauce boiling and splashing out of the sauce pot....I had forgotten to turn it down! I finish quickly, wash my hands and realize I had forgotten to put a clean hand towel in the guest bathroom when I did laundry yesterday...so I go to the end of the hall, get one, dry my hands and take off for the kitchen. I can see it...red sauce all over the stove, stove front, the mircrowave above, the wood floor below and the counters and pots and pans all around! I immediately take the pasta pot off of the burner and start to clean up my mess. I put the bread in the oven....but forget that the cast iron pan is on the top shelf of the oven...until about 5 minutes later... I manage to combine the pasta sauce and cooked ground beef without incident. All of a sudden, I realize that the garlic bread isn't browning on top....oh yeah...I need to take the cast iron pan out of the oven...so I do and place it on top of the stove. I drain the pasta and return it to the pot, pour the meat sauce on top of it and turn the oven to broil so that the top of the garlic buttery bread will toast. As I do this...I absent mindedly grab the hot cast iron pan to move it without having first grabbed a pot holder. I immediately jerk my burned hand away, hit the big spoon in the pasta flinging it and pasta everywhere, step back away and hit my fat ass on the island behind me, which caused me to sidestep and knock the "trash" bowl off of the counter with my elbow... hitting my funny bone which I then grab with my burned hand, which at once felt like I had stuffed into a coal furnace...and there I stand...holding my burned hand, covered in pasta sauce, standing in pasta and sauce and trash bowl remnants...oh...the toasting garlic bread...I open the oven door...the bread is black. Black garlic bread...yummy... I think next time, I'll just piss myself!
The moral of this chain reaction story is this: Always take a leak before you start cooking!
No comments:
Post a Comment