Politics = D3: Disrespect, Deceit and Disgust

I've always thought that if I just keep a positive attitude, do the "right" things, am nice to other people and try to have patience in all that I do, that good things would happen for and to me and the ones I love. It hasn't always turned out that way, but I still do my best to keep up the "good vibes" as much as possible.

If you've never seen the movie "Idiocracy", you need to! It's soooooo stupid, BUT, and this is a very big BUT...it really stops and makes you think. After you watch it, you kind of get this feeling of....wow...I need to go read a book and make my kids do the same thing!  It's a little scary.

Watching the different Republican debates, interviews and news coverage of the candidates makes my skin crawl. And it's not just those men and women, it's all politicians. The entire system has been dumbed down for the American people. Even though they try to impress us with their knowledge of foreign policy, current events, voting records and all that goes with - the fact is, they know that unless they make it a "show" - taking digs, being rude and negative and making each other look the fool and NOT necessarily to get their point(s) across...it's just to make it interesting for the "people", that they won't get the news coverage they desire. I can't stomach how stupid they think we are. And yes, I realize that there are voters out there who all of this appeals to....which of course, is why it has become the norm for our society...but I for one, think it is appalling and insulting to OUR collective intelligence. I have not heard a single interview yet, with ANY of the candidates that hasn't involved them out right lying or insulting someone else, whether it be one of their Republican opponents or the current administration. Oh, and by the way...whether you AGREE or DISAGREE with Barack Obama, he IS the President of the United States of America. The reason I bring this up is because I heard an interview yesterday morning: I only caught part of it as I was in the other room...but I think it was on Fox News...a female was going off on President Obama and said, " I don't even want to call him the President." during her rant. I apologize for not being able to say who it was or even what program it was. I normally don't quote things unless I know for sure...but I don't even think that matters. I certainly didn't agree with all that George W. Bush did and said during his presidency, but I still referred to him as President Bush. He WAS the President and deserved to be called that... politics aside, I respected him because of the office he held and the leadership he provided at that time...whether I liked it or NOT. My point is, it doesn't matter who the female was, I just don't think that we need to be teaching the future leaders of our nation that THIS is what it's all about. DISRESPECT should never be a part of this process. I believe that we can disagree and make our political points without behaving like jr. high kids. Actually, most jr. high students aren't as bad as the people I've been watching and listening to recently. I cringe to think that we have high school age youth watching, listening and LEARNING that this is the way to handle such an important part of our American society. It doesn't matter what your political views or opinions are, the way we handle our political differences should be a process of respectful disagreement with intelligent conversation. It saddens me that this is what we've become. I'm not naive enough to think that this is anything new, or that we have any influence over the process, but that doesn't change the fact that I detest it.


I know I've talked about this before in this blog, but it really does get under my skin, hence, the repeat! Happy watching this week, ladies and gentlemen, if we can stand to spend those precious moments of our lives that we'll never get back doing it. So, brew another pot of coffee and I'll see you on the other side.



 

Friends, Wonderful Celtic Music and Restoration.

This evening, I had the privilege of attending the Celtic Christmas Concert at the First and Calvary Presbyterian Church in Springfield. The venue was gorgeous...a one hundred year old sanctuary (actually older than that) candlelit and decked with greens and wreaths with white lights and stained glass windows. When I entered the room, I knew I was in a special place.

The instrumentalists played violins, guitar, mandolin, piano, cello, bass, hand drum, tambourine, pipe organ and the high whistle. Four women sang; beautifully arranged Celtic carols and songs and the Springfield Boys Choir dazzled us with their crystal clear voices that harmonized so wonderfully and rang throughout the room that the chill and dampness of the night quickly faded away.

As I listened, and experienced the music, it swept over me, through me and became part of me. The music gave me wings on this blustery, wet evening. It allowed me, if just for a little while, to escape from my dungeon of limitations and once again get back to feeling what music has always made me feel...whole. I need music in my life. It is who I am, what I'm about and what I love.

Teaching music doesn't always give us the "musical" experiences that we musicians long for. Don't misunderstand, there are MANY, MANY wonderful musical happenings with students who are our young musicians, but when we are teaching music...we get into the "drudgery" of the next performance, the next favor, the next contest, the next festival, etc. And sometimes, as in my case, it has taken me a year and a half to not be involved in music education to KNOW what I had lost. I'm not talking about not being able to teach...yes, I've lost that too, but...I had lost the music experience. It had been too long since my heart had been warmed, goosebumps had crawled across my skin and my eyes had watered because I was EXPERIENCING the music with every fiber of my being. But, this evening changed all of that. I am once again..."in tune" with my musical needs and wants. 

I can't thank Kelly O'Bryant, Erika O'Bryant, Mark Lawley and all of the other incredible musicians who gave me such a wonderful Christmas present tonight. My heart has been warmed and my musical self has been restored. Merry Christmas.

Politics, Bad Drivers and Decor

Why is it that all of the Republican Candidates seem like egomaniacle, self serving, ignorant, lying sacs of putrid waste?? Oh, that's right, BECAUSE THEY ARE!!!  Now as far as politics go, here's my quick and easy take on the entire situation.

All politicians, no matter with which party they are affiliated, lie and look out for number one...which I understand, in our political world is very necessary sometimes. But, I have to say this....when watching a political candidate debate, I ....as an American citizen, should NOT feel embarrassed for the people who are trying to debate each other to get a leg up for the next party nomination for President of the United States of America. I'm shocked at the stupidity, lack of knowledge and closed mindedness that these people are displaying. 

I don't even care if Herman Cain has boffed women....or men for that matter - while he was supposedly in a committed marriage. Yes, it shows lack of character, but the question is....could this man run our country?? The REAL question is.....Could any of these people LEAD our country?? At least President Obama is smart enough to be able to speak in public and not embarrass us in front of the rest of the world, and whether we like him or not, whether we agree with him or not, he, unlike any of these candidates I've been speaking about... has the ABILITY to lead our country.

I heard a sound bite of Chris Christie going off on President Obama a couple of nights ago. I said to John, "Really???? Coming from the man who isn't willing to run and do something about it???? Shut the hell up and concentrate on your shore." I don't necessarily agree with Christie's political views, but I think he'd be a good leader. But if he's not willing to throw his hat in, then don't complain. That's like all of the American citizens who constantly bitch about politics, the President, the Congress, etc....but don't ever vote. I have no patience for that kind of blatant disregard for the rest of America who does vote and try to make positive change happen in our society.


Okay, enough about politics. Let's talk about people who are asshole drivers. If you are an asshole driver, here are some things I'd like for you to stop and start doing.


Stop: Texting     Start: WATCHING THE FREAKING TRAFFIC LIGHTS

Stop: Talking on the phone   Start: Paying attention to your kids in the back seat!!!!

Stop:  Riding my ass when I'm going OVER the speed limit  Start: Getting a clue that you're an ass.


Stop:  Putting on your make up   Start: Getting up 20 minutes earlier to do it at home


Stop:  Speeding through the neighborhood where kids are playing   Start: Considering the fact that there are other people in the world besides you.


Stop:  Driving like you're in a hurry ALL OF THE TIME!  Start: Using your turn signals, braking BEFORE you get to a stop sign or traffic light, and try turning down your stereo so that I can't hear it in my car when BOTH of our windows are UP and MY stereo is on!!


*The next person I see texting while driving when we are at a stoplight...be warned...I'm going to get out of my car at the stoplight and pound on your window and show you a gruesome picture of dead people from a car accident caused by a driver texting. You've been warned. It's stupid and careless to do it any time....but when you're driving your kids around and texting....I think that's criminal. 

Also, if you have so many Christmas lights up... that you leave on all night ...that it causes your neighbor's bedroom to be lit up like Rockefeller Plaza, you might want to reconsider your holiday decor. 


Just a few thoughts running through my mind this morning. I'm glad it's Friday and I'm glad I'm feeling better. Yesterday was NOT a good day for me physically. But, today is looking up and I'm anxious to get the rest of the Christmas decorations properly placed and the boxes and tubs put away!! Have a great weekend everyone.

B.R.A. A.R.A. (Before R.A., After R.A.)

There are times in our lives when we all have to pause for a moment to think about what we are going to do next in our existence that is continually bombarded with obstacles, negative events and rude people. The good thing is, that there are usually good events, obstacles that are easily maneuvered around or moved, and nice people that we come across too. But, when faced with the earlier mentioned situations, decisions have to be made that are not only hard, but heart wrenching. In fact, it seems...many times...that it is impossible to make a "good" decision. 

The decision to stop teaching one and a half years ago was one of those decisions. I'm so out of the loop...I feel really estranged from the music education world, in fact from music itself. I'm not able to perform right now because of my physical limitations. I can't stand through a concert to sing, or stand to conduct a concert. I could play horn, but it would take months to get my chops in shape and I don't have an instrument. So, I'm kinda stuck right now. 


The people...other directors... in this area (Springfield) have no idea what my teaching abilities are. They don't know that when I'm feeling well and not in pain, that I'm an excellent music educator. No one knows that when the RA is not drowning me, I'm one of the best teachers around. This is not bragging. I've worked hard over the last 25 years to become the best music educator I could be, and the last 8 years that I taught with the disease, there were some days I couldn't even function at work. I never was able to teach "full out" like I did on a daily basis B.R.A. (before R.A.) I miss having the energy, excitement and the feelings of accomplishment that I got from being in front of a group of high school kids that wanted to make me proud. The looks on their faces when that one chord came together and sent goosebumps crawling across their skin...that's one I really miss. 


I also miss teaching elementary music. After having taught high school for so many years, then getting certified in Kodaly, and teaching elementary for a while, I really learned a lot about being a better music educator. The Kodaly sequence brought it all together for me. I became a better high school teacher because of my elementary experience using Kodaly. However, I was so sick while doing all of this, I never REALLY got to give my teaching one hundred percent.


This isn't a pity party. I'm just thinking through some things. I love teaching privately and have some students who will probably be starting private lessons again soon but it's still not the same as being in front of a choir or band. And it's not the same as taking kindergarteners from the first day of school and teaching them how to make a circle sitting on the floor, to performing, reading, improvising and composing music at the end of 5th grade. There is a sense of accomplishment...contentment... that comes from those experiences and I guess I'm going to have to find another way to be able to feel that same sense of accomplishment once again.

I've been vocalizing, getting my voice back into shape which is a good thing about NOT teaching. My voice has had time to rest and I'm able to extend my range once again and not be hoarse and vocally exhausted from teaching all day. I even was able to have so much resonance that it made my inner ears tickle! IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE THAT HAS HAPPENED!!! For those of you who are not vocalists, that means that there was so much muscular freedom and vocal ease that the vibrations in the mask of my face actually tickled down in my ears. That's a GOOD thing! :)

Well, I'm going to go sing for a while and make myself feel better about my current situation. The Christmas tree is up, the mantle is decorated and after I sing, I'll finish the rest. Thanks for reading.



 

Friday Night Blues

I'm feeling a little stressed and a deep turqoise shade of blue this evening...so I'm going to play some word association. I'm going to take the first 20 words from the first 20 things I see right around me here on my desk and then type the word that I associate with them.

1.  Scrabble = confused
2.  Theatre = miss
3. Budget = broke
4.  Sing = relaxation
5.  Branson = shopping
6.  College = do over
7.  Planner = Dr. Gifford's WE Reunion
8.  Mojito = summer
9.  Rotars = expensive
10.  French Horn = fun
11.  Broadway = smiles
12.  Photos = memories
13.  Maps = travel
14.  Turkey = sleepy
15.  Melodious = energetic
16.  Art Deco = pastels
17.  Coconut = sunning
18.  Lip Balm = soothing
19.  John Devos = warmth
20.  Dance = longing

Now, I'd say those are pretty typical answers...but then again...I'm in a funk. I find myself getting pissed off at the littlest things, and feeling forlorn about the big things. I listen to Camille recite poems to me out of her little book that was John's when he was about her age, four or five... and I can't help but smile through the tears that well up in my eyes. Her sweet, little voice and the innocence that it holds within it is overwhelming when I think that she starts Kindergarten next year. When school starts, the innocence is abruptly shattered forever. Part of growing up, but a sad part, me thinks.

The timeline of our lives is measured by distinct happenings. Some happenings are wonderful, some are sad, some are funny and some make you want to kick the shit out of somebody.  When these "marks" are made on our timelines of life, they leave indelible memories for us that are a constant reminder of the paths not taken...or the paths taken, that shouldn't have been.

I am at a crossroads in my life. Unfortunately, any decisions that I make right now are at the mercy of a completely different timeline that I have no control over whatsoever. I'm doing my best to be the loving, considerate wife that John needs and the strong, decisive, motivated woman that I used to be. Not that those two ladies can't exist at the same time within me, they always have...I guess they're both a little tired right now.

The dishes are waiting, along with this weeks laundry and the dust that has accumulated since last Friday.  I'd really like to be Samantha from Bewitched right now, and with a little rabbit like movement of my nose, have it all done and put away. But, I'm not magic and I'm not rich so a maid is also out of the question. So, off to do housework and pretend like I'm enjoying it...cest la vie.

Mammograms, Pumpkins and Fat Man

Sometimes I'm just amazed at the stupid shit some people do. Today after my mammogram, (which was absolutely no big deal...I've been dreading it because it was my first one) I went to Aldi to do a little grocery shopping. As I went through the aisles, I noticed this really fat guy with a bad attitude behind me. And...the reason I noticed him is because he stayed behind me the entire time...no matter what I did or where I went. I even turned completely around in the middle of an aisle twice to see if he'd follow me, and he DID! Anyway, I'm over in the cheeses and lunchmeat across from the fresh produce and he practically rammed his cart into me. So, me being me.....I said...."Am I in your way, because I've been trying to get out of it for quite a while now!" Hoping he'd get the message!! He said in response..."I'm just walking behind you." I said, "Well...not anymore!" Now, understand I had heard him being rude to some other people...and he would just stand in the aisle....taking up a lot of it, I might add.... and look around....he wasn't even really shopping. And having said "not anymore!" I took a left and went down a completely different aisle and to the checkout. The guy was an ass. People are so rude, inconsiderate and impatient at times. Maybe he needs to lay off of the chips and donuts he had stacked in his cart and go for some fresh fruits and vegetables, then he might find that his attitude improves a little. What types of food we put into our bodies definitely effects how we feel and think! Time for tubby to change it up a bit, I'd say.

Now understand, I don't have anything against big people...I'm one of them....however, not near as much as I was a year and a half ago!! :) As of today, I've lost 51 pounds!!! But I do have a problem with attitudinal assholes. Big problem. On my worst day, when I'm in pain or something horrible has happened....or it's just PMS....I still don't take it out on innocent people in the grocery store...I take it out on JOHN!!! :)

FalI is John's favorite time of year. Me....I'm a SUMMER girl...put me on a beach in a nice lounge chair and a cocktail in my hand and I'm all good!! I got a huge pumpkin for John and myself to carve together. That will be an interesting evening. John will be Mr. Step by Step and have to do it just so....and I'll be sketching it out on paper and then just start carving....about 10 minutes into it...we'll be on each others penultimate nerve and he'll go watch tv with a glass of tea and I'll finish it. He'll walk through after it's done and say..."Good job, babe!" Yeah, thanks, honey. Glad we could do this together. :)

Okay...that's it for tonight. GO CARDS!!! :)

Friday's Thoughts.

This is breast cancer awareness month and today is my first mammogram. I'm looking forward to getting it over with!! My paternal Grandmother had a mastectomy and as far as I understand, they are not as concerned about the paternal side of the family as they are the maternal. So, hopefully...there won't be any problems. I encourage ALL of my friends...MALE and FEMALE to get checked out! It isn't just a female disease!! Go get squished!! :)

The cards lost game 2 last night of the 2011 World Series to the Texas Rangers. Today they travel to Texas and game 3 is tomorrow night! I'm so excited!!! Love the Cardinals. I really hope they can pull out a can of whoop ass on 'em! GO CARDS!!!!

I'm finding that more often then not, I'm "putting stuff away" and then I can't remember where I've put it. It's becoming really annoying. John asked me a couple of months ago where one of his masonic books was and of course, I looked for it but could not find it! Well, I found it this morning...right here on the desk in the kitchen where I had placed it several months back....thinking....I'll put this here so I can remember to give it to John....well, if I can remember thinking that.....why couldn't I remember where I had placed the damned book???? So frustrating. I do stuff like that all of the time. Walk into a room to do something....then I have no idea why I'm standing there looking around. Freaking nuts. And...I realized yesterday...that I actually say OUT LOUD to myself...."What the hell am I supposed to be doing in here?" Sometimes I remember what it is...and sometimes I don't. Is it that I'm getting older or am I just stupe??? Whatever it is...I'm done with it!! I waste so much time trying to figure out shit like that! Maybe I ought to start writing down on a notepad little codes for myself that remind me of what I'm supposedly doing at any given time. Like....if I'm going to the music room to get a piece of music I could write in a shorthand code....MR (music room) Gt Mz Hr Cncr (Get Mozart Horn Concertos) ...well that would work....except....what if I forget the freakin' shorthand code??? Which is very possible at this point!! The only time I don't have to worry about is when it's time to go to the bathroom....I'm all good there!!! :)

Okay, I smell the coffee and can't resist it any longer! Hope everyone has a great Friday and GO CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SEEING RED!!! GO CARDS!!!

It's been over a month since I've blogged. Too long! However, I thought it only appropriate that I talk a little about the Cardinals since they won the first game of the 2011 World Series last night!!! What a great night! We had dinner here at the house with Teresa, Bob, Vivian, Wayne, Michele, Daron, Kendrick and Camille...and then watched the game! Talk about a fun visit! Bob and Teresa brought BBQ brisket, homemade mac and cheese and a bunch of other wonderful comfort foods that we all enjoyed immensely!! 

The first thing about my own personal RED BIRDS experience is this...I realized yesterday as I was getting ready for everyone to come over...that I don't have anything with any of the Cardinal's logos on it! Not even a visor!! In fact, I don't ever remember owning anything that had to do with the Cardinals! Isn't that sad? Not that it really matters...in the long run, there are LOTS of other things with which to be concerned....it isn't really important whether or not I have Cardinals wear! 


Here are my requests for tonight's game, just in case anyone who has anything to do with the Red Birds is listening...

1. Please stop showing Mark McGwire...I loved watching him play, but was so very disappointed in him with the whole steroids issue.  Now, whenever we see him, John always says...."Not so hot now with all those pustules on his ass from the steroids, huh?"
2. Could somebody please let TLR know that it's okay to show that you're actually alive. Somebody hold a mirror up to his face and see if he can fog it...even when he's interviewing....it's like....Tony?? Ya there, buddy??? Once in a while he does the "TLR throw your hands up in the air for a split second"....then they're crossed again or stuff in his pockets.  Tony LaRussa, give us some excitement, man!!
3.  Just once....could one of the cameramen PLEASE get a shot from BEHIND of Albert Puhols batting??? PLEASE!????!!
4.  The Cardinal's logo on their shirts bothers me, because where the buttons are in the middle of the logo....there's a gap in the middle of the word "Cardinals"....I know that if they could have fixed it they would have...but that gap really gets under my skin for some reason. Not really a request...just a comment on the uniform!
5.  I know that it's part of the whole "baseball game" scene....but guys, doesn't the spitting gross anyone out besides me??? I know that several companies and groups had requested that the players from both teams not chew tobacco since there were going to be lots of kids watching...I don't know what came of that request, however, if they're NOT chewing tobacco...is it necessary to spit like that when you're just chewing gum??? Nasty. Just gross.
6. My final request for the rest of the 2011 World Series games.......WIN.....WIN.........WIN!!! Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!!!! GO CARDS!!!! WHOOOOOPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Energy Level Bleck

I've been feeling badly for about a week and a half now. Thought it was just a stomach bug when it started, but it has been on and off....mostly on for the better part of 10 days now. My energy level is way down, my stomach cramps, and all that goes with that... and I feel like crud. Oh yeah, and as of last night, my right shoulder is telling me that I'm probably getting ready for another RA flare. I can barely drag myself out of bed these last couple of days. I haven't felt this bad in over a year...and then I think, this is how I felt...energy wise for the last 9 years that I taught with the RA. This last year of being at home has helped me so much health wise, that I'd gotten a lot of energy back...and now I'm reminded of how miserable I really was...am right now. If I'm not better tomorrow, I'll have to call one of my doctors and figure out what is going on, because something definitely is. It could just be that my disease is active again, afterall, I did have a bad flare over 5 days that took Prednisone to get under control. That was 2 and a half months ago, so I'm probably in for a bad couple of months more...if it works the way it usually does for me. Anyway, no funny remarks, no funny stories, no profound thoughts today. I'm just glad Camille's nap time is soon so that I can lay down with her. Her cuddles, hugs and kisses always make me feel better, at least mentally!

Life and Death.

Just found out late last night that a college friend of ours passed away. I feel so badly for his wife and two daughters.

I'm feeling a bit strange about it all....I had already been thinking about my own mortality and what my "mark on life" was going to be. I always thought I was destined to do great things and be someone who made big, positive differences in the world. And even though I know I've touched a lot of kiddos through teaching music and have made some differences for them, I feel like...somehow...I've missed the boat.

At one time, my goal was to be one of the best choir directors in Missouri. I thought I'd take groups to MMEA, ACDA...the whole enchilada. But, life happens, things change, goals shift and dreams fade. There is this thing called destiny and I think that destiny decided to kick my ass. So, being who I am, I keep getting back up, pushing forward and trying to put destiny aside so that I can make a comfortable, loving home for John and myself while maintaining some semblance of the life I WANTED and thought I was going to have. 

We get so caught up in the everyday bull of working, paying bills (or not paying as the case may be) making dinner, taking care of others - kids, parents, grandparents and we forget that life is supposed to be enjoyed. Living is not about racing around working 12-16 hour days and trying to make it on time to appointments and meetings and then going to bed only to NOT be able to sleep and then get up and do it all again.

I resent a lot of things that have happened to us, and I regret a lot of things that I haven't done.....or said......I guess I'm just trying to work out my own frustrations and in doing so, have become a little negative. I've NEVER been a negative person, but right now, I'm having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...oh, wait....there is a light...uuhhh ooohhhh....the light is on the front of a freight train and it's heading right for me! See what I mean??? I'm being negative and I don't like it...but those are the kinds of things that keep popping into my head.

So, today I will consciously make the effort to see the silver lining, look for the positive and be proactive in making our lives better and my mind and soul happier. Hearing last night that our friend Patrick Johnston passed away...made me all the more certain that I have to change. I can't go on sitting on the fringes of life watching it "happen". There is too much to be done and too many people to love to just sit and stew about opportunities missed and regret things that have happened or not happened to us or for us. 

Right now, I'm going to take my Humira and Methotrexate injections, take out the trash, and meditate so that I can clear my mind and find some positive energy for the day. I sincerely hope that all of my friends who read this have a wonderful day and weekend and ENJOY life...at least do your best to do so.

Patrick, I don't know about the afterlife, not sure what I believe anymore...don't have a clue if you can hear or see or somehow know how many people love and will miss you. But, we all hope that you are in a better place...one free of pain and struggles. No matter what, you have left a positive mark on life and that is all that really matters in the end. Smiles and laughter to you, Pat.