Seeing Eye Poodles, Hedgeapples, and Giant Bubble Wrap

Here's the story about the "seeing eye Poodle".

About a month ago, John woke up early on a Saturday morning and couldn't see out of his right eye. He said it was a pink haze that he couldn't see through. So, off to the eye doctor we went. She took pictures again and immediately said it was a large bleed and we'd have to go to an ophthalmologist in Springfield. This past Monday, he got to see the new doc and had...(before I say this, those of you with eye phobias like me need to steady yourselves before you read this) an INJECTION of Avastin into his right eye. Yes, I was completely freaked out the entire time....I can deal with anything but I have a real problem with eyes...anyhoo, John was strong, and after a dye infusion (in his arm) for some really detailed photos and numerous tests, when they were prepping him to do this injection to lessen the edema of the retina and blood vessels, they placed several different drops to prep his eye...the first being the ones that numb the eye so that the rest of the drops aren't so very painful-and of course, so that the injection isn't as bad....(I'm gagging right now just typing this) Okay, so nurse number 1 put a big dot above his right eye to indicate that was the one to be worked on. They prepped the eye and the entire area around it with the yellowish brown Betadine. She adds the numbing drops, antibiotic drops and a million other drops..THEN, nurse number 2, who is obviously blind herself and you'll understand why I say that when you read this...puts more drops in his right eye and before John could say anything...she opens his left eye and throws some in there for good measure. John just about came out of his skin...but instead, he very calmly said..."Should my left eye feel like you just poured a teaspoon of salt in it?" The nurses and doctor turned around to him at once and she said "Oh no, I prepped the wrong eye!" At the same time the doc sternly said "NOT the left eye...flush it fast!" Meanwhile, John is trying not to squirm and kick the shit out of nurse number 2. He's in so much pain and his eye is burning so badly that he's beside himself, but still remained calm by doing breathing exercises. (I just puked in my mouth a little bit) While blind nurse number 2 flushes his left eye, the doc said, okay look to your left...John did and in went the needle. John said it was a little prick. Basically, it was nothing compared to the inferno assault that had been heaped into his left eye without any numbing drops ahead of time!  When we were leaving, the elevator doors opened and two of his nurses came out. I only recognized one of them. As we got onto the elevator, John points to nurse number two and said " that's the one who put the drops in the wrong eye!" The doors closed, and I said..."I wish you'd pointed her out sooner...I could have kicked her ass right here in front of the elevator...blind hag." I mean really, there's a big sticker dot right above his right eye and Betadine the color of baby poo all over his right eye, eyebrow and underneath it too...REALLY?!? You couldn't see that, you stupid wench?  We both laughed and down we went.

So, here's the before part that has to do with the original Poodle story. As we're sitting in the room waiting for the doc to come in, John says to me as he has many times since all this eye stuff started over a year ago..."at least if I go blind I'll be able to finally get my German Shepherd I've always wanted. He can be my seeing eye dog." Then he said..."However, if I'm blind...I wouldn't really know what kind of dog it was. They could say- oh yeah, this is a new breed of German Shepherd that has curly fur and a smaller stature. Then I'd be walking down the street with a seeing eye Poodle that I'd named Killer!" Of course, I'm cracking up and trying not to laugh too loud. Other people don't always appreciate our humor. Especially in doctors offices...everyone is so sick or worried or both...most people don't handle bad things by making fun...but, that's how we deal with the worst things that happen to us. I guess we're both just kinda wired like that. I just keep picturing John with a white fuzzy Poodle with big fur balls around it paws and tail and a pony tail up on it's head with a pink bow in it and John calling her "Killer"! Makes me smile every time.

Now, back to the injection. They made me read this four page information guide about the Avastin injection to John in the room while we waited on the Doc to do the eye injection. I start reading and I'm thinking to myself "geeze, I'll never get through all of this." So, I picked up the pace. The nurses kept coming in and out seemingly like they were irritated and wanted me to hurry, so I sped up the pace even more. John was sitting there laughing at me because I sounded like one of those tv commercials that tells you all of the side effects of a medication really fast toward the end of the commercial. You know, the ones that read really fast: may cause rash, coughing, diarrhea, impotence, blurry vision, bleeding, excessive sexual desires, cravings for prunes, edema, toe cramps, elongated ear lobes, hard nipples and discoloring of the skin. So, as I'm reading, we realized that the medicine Avastin is a chemotherapy drug that they use for colon cancer. John's Mom actually was on this chemo during her last round before she passed. And now, they were getting ready to inject it into his RIGHT eye.  As I read aloud to him, I was struck with the overwhelming feeling of being grateful for technology and the improvements in medicine over the years. I wouldn't be alive right now had it not been for these medical advances.

Update on the injection and seeing eye poodle. The injection did what it was supposed to do! So, he will have laser surgery to take care of the damage caused by the diabetes and high blood pressure in three weeks on his right eye and then later on the left. So, there is no need for Killer, the seeing eye Poodle! I have been revamping recipes to help both of us with eating less meat and to eat less foods that are high in purines which turn to uric acid and cause his Gout to be worse. Also, of course, less sugars...even more so than I have in the past for both of us. Gout is one of the most painful forms of arthritis. This has turned into a full time job just trying to come up with new recipes that are healthy but don't include high purine foods, low sugar, low fat, and low cholesterol. Of course, his favorite foods are high in purines...shellfish, asparagus, spinach, mushrooms...so, I'm working on delicious substitutes so he won't miss them so much! Thank goodness, most fruits and veggies are low in purines...so that helps a little!

New story that has nothing to do with John. Saturday, Michele, Camille and I went to the recycling center to empty our full bags of glass, plastic, papers and cardboard type things. We went back to their house, and for whatever reason, decided to pick up the Hedgeapples and Daron trimmed a few limbs so that the kids wouldn't run into them. So, we bagged all of the Hedgeapples and Daron put them in the back of his truck for Chele and myself to take back to the recycling center. As I was bent over rolling hedgeapples over to Michele, my flip flop caught on a clump of grass and my fat, cellulite laiden ass dropped to the hard ground and rolled around for a couple of seconds like a giant rolly polly with gray hair and blue eyes that wears Liz Claiborne perfume! Daron was standing right next to me but had his back to me and just saw what was happening out of the corner of his eye and turned just in time to put a hand out to try and help me as I hit the ground hard. I'm surprised the rest of the hedgeapples didn't fall off of the tree with that hard of an impact. I sat there, thinking to myself, "Well, shit! Have I broken anything?" The answer was no, but I sure am sore! Scared the crap out of Chele and Daron...but, I'm okay...just need to start wearing a suit made of bubble wrap that has those giant bubbles in it. I don't know, maybe they make that out of different colors so I can at least match it to some cute shoes! 

Well, friends...I'm looking forward to the Presidential debates this week! I'll write more in the next couple of days. Everyone have a fantastic week. Hugs.