Start, please, start!!!!

Did you know that when it is cold outside and you have corrosion on your battery posts that your vehicle won't start? Did you know that when you change the headlamp in your car that if it is a certain kind of bulb, you can't touch it with your bare fingers because it can explode? Did you know that if you are replacing a brake lamp in your car, truck or whatever, that it is hard as hell to get the red cover lens off without breaking a nail or six? How about when you are jumping your vehicle because the battery posts were corroded and it wouldn't start and it is frickin' assed cold outside---did you know that you can't be touching ANY OTHER part of your vehicle while you're cleaning off the corrosion------ and you're touching the posts...well, you can...but you'll only do it once. (Thanks, Daron!)-Oh, and your hands are frozen- and you can't feel your fingers because it's the middle of JANUARY!!!!!!! So, you see how my week has gone automobile wise...Guess where it's going on Tuesday when everything opens up...yep, that's right...to get a tune-up...a tune-up that I WON'T be attempting myself.
Post Script: All of this happened on different days this week while John was gone. I did successfully get the headlamp changed, and the brake light changed all by myself. I'd watched Daron do it before, so I had an idea of what I was doing.  I didn't, however, get it started. My bro-in-law, Daron Nall, came over and finished cleaning off the corrosion and jumped it for me. I repaid him with hot coffee and a piece of cake I baked last night. It's good to have family close by!!!

Green Haze, Cotton Candy and A Full Bladder

The sunrise was beautiful this morning. It sported pastel pinks, purples and blues and it was reflecting off of the snow...absolutely gorgeous. I haven't seen a whole lot of sunrises in my lifetime, I am NOT a morning person, but I was up with John and so I watched it. I do not do well in the mornings for several reasons. The main one is because it takes forever to get moving with the Rheumatoid Arthritis...it's a whole process...swing legs over the side of the bed...sit for a couple of minutes...try to stand up...stand for a few minutes...try to take the first step...stand...next step...stand...next step...okay now it's a little better...next step...okay I think I can walk slowly now. Yeah...that's great when your bladder is screaming at you..."biatch, get to the toilet!" :) The second reason that mornings make me cringe is because no matter what kind of breakfast I eat or how long of a hot shower I take, my brain does not work in the morning. I literally can't think things through, can't make decisions, can't remember stuff...it's terrible. It's like someone comes in every night while I'm sleeping and gives me a frontal labotomy!  There is this haze that encompasses my head; I imagine it to be lime green with fuzzy stuff like cotton candy floating in it. Instead of the boy in the plastic bubble, I'm the girl in the lime green, cotton candy haze cloud. My third reason........oh, who gives a shit...I'm going back to bed. 

You say sled, I say toboggan!

Words...here are a few word stories for you...if you don't understand right now, trust me, you will! By the way, I love the English language, especially when these kinds of things happen!

I was teaching in Texas and talking to Elaine Hand and a couple of our students in her office one afternoon. I was talking about this toboggan we had when I was a kid...my brothers and older sister would use paraffin wax bars to wax the bottom of it to make it "fly"! You could fit 6 smaller people on it, or 4-5 regular sized people on it! It was awesome...As I was explaining that it had the classic curved front and how smoothly the wooden slats had been sanded...I noticed the kids looking at me funny. I asked what was wrong, and Elaine started laughing. In Texas, and many other southern states, a toboggan is a hat...like a sock cap. They had NO idea what I was talking about because they rarely get snow in Corsicana and if they do get snow...you couldn't sled even if you wanted to because none of the stores sell sleds or toboggans!  Toboggans-the sled not toboggans the hat, they do sell those...toboggans that is...hats. Wow...there's smoke coming out of my ears...anyway...you can't ride a hat and you can't wear a sled...just wanted to make that clear.

John was helping Steve McClard with his marching band camp a few years ago. John noticed that a lot of the kiddos had inappropriate footwear on for marching which led to this next wordy exchange.  
John: "Hey, folks!? We need to talk about what you're wearing...some of you are wearing thongs and that isn't a good thing to wear on the field while we're marching." One of the kids asked "Why not?" John replied, "Well, they don't give you the support you need and that little strap can even chafe you pretty badly." The kids were looking at him strangely and smiling and one of them asked "John, how do you know if we're wearing thongs or not?" John said, "I can tell just by looking...it's pretty obvious!" That's when Steve finally jumped in and said..."Uhhh, John, we call those flip flops now... what these kids call thongs are worn a little higher up!"

When I was in high school back in the early 80's, (best decade EVER) there was a certain type of guy that was referred to as a "head".  These were usually the guys who drove old, broken down, early 70's cars that they'd "souped up" and only succeeded in making it even louder. They had long hair, smoked and basically looked like the character - John Bender, played by Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club". (1985) For those of you who don't know that movie...watch it...it's a classic 80's movie. Anyway, calling that type of guy a "head", or calling a certain car a "head car", was done on a regular basis, just like using the words preppy, greaser, jock, or geek. I didn't realize until later when I was in college that the actual REASON they were referred to as "HEADS" was because they were the guys who smoked pot. Thus, heads comes from potheads. It was just one of those common sayings that had no meaning for me except to describe someone by assigning a label to them. Ahhhh, to be a teenager.

So, even though there are many more of these types of wordy mishaps that I could blog about, my wordplay for this post is... fine. (Musicians will get it.)

The Journey Into Middle Age- Better Known as "HELL!"

It snowed, not very much, but enough to close schools in the area. This is John's second snow day home for this year. I think he's enjoying himself, and yet he's a little stir crazy... he feels like he needs to be working on school stuff, getting ready for the next thing, etc.  I, on the other hand, do not feel any of that except maybe the stir crazy part. This morning I made a pot of coffee and opened the blinds in the dining area. The sunlight was streaking across the room after reflecting off of the snow on the deck and stopping briefly to bounce on the leaves of my plants that are in front of the windows. I sat there at the table with my cup o' joe and my sudoku out of the paper, with the sunlight warming my aching joints and realized... I HAD BECOME MY MOTHER!! Not that it's a bad thing...she's wonderful in every way possible. I just kinda realized that - I'm grown up. I am drinking coffee and doing a freakin' puzzle out of the newspaper after having READ the newspaper. It's not like I was checking the stock market in the paper...no, I was reading about the lives other people have, or don't have as the case may be. Really??? This is what being 43 is about...for me...for now? Okay, just for today! I really love coffee, I love doing Sudokus , I love sitting in the sun, and I love my dining room table, but...I don't want to make a habit of this. It's just too weird...when did I become my Mom? When did I decide that I liked coffee?...I didn't used to like it...20 years ago. And when did my hair get soooooooo gray? Where is that youthful, soft skin I used to have? I noticed as I was sitting in the sun at my dining room table, with my hand perched on my Starbucks mug,  that my skin on my hands is starting to get really wrinkled. This is after washing my face and brushing my teeth before bed last night, I discovered that I have little crows feet at the corners of my eyes and my eye lids are starting to droop! And, there's a little crease on my upper lip!  Oh my God!!!! What is happening to me??? I've never been overly concerned about my looks, but...what the hell happened to me and how much worse is this going to get??? And... if I feel this way, no wonder celebrities get plastic surgery...no one knows me and I'm thinking....that's a real possibility...yeah, right...like that's going to help the aging process. I have to say, I know lots of women who have grown old gracefully...but not me. I don't like it one little bit. In fact, I hate it. I hate that my skin is wrinkled, my hair is graying, and my eyes are starting to look like a basset hound's. Really...I'm pissed. Next month, when I turn 44 years old, if I'm still feeling this desperate about my looks...I'm treating myself to a hair appointment complete with color, and some kind of skin refreshing, anti-aging treatment. However, I'm sure I probably won't feel that way...in fact...by the time I finish this blogpost, I'll probably feel something totally different, because I believe my hormones have started their journey into my own little personal hell  which is called menopause...not sure, but I think we're there. There you go, just one more thing for me to be pissed about! Pissed with a smile, that is:)

Thanks for the memories...ornaments!

I'm going to take down the Christmas tree tomorrow. I've spent a lot of time here at home this holiday. We weren't able to go home this year, so we had a quiet, cozy Christmas together...just the two of us. Yes, we Skyped while my family opened gifts and got to see the snow falling there for a white Christmas, and we talked on the phone with family also, but mainly it was a relaxing, nice Christmas with no rushing around, no time schedules and time with each other that we don't get very often. Having been home for this extended period of time, I've stared a lot at the Christmas tree and the ornaments that adorn it. Each ornament or decoration is a memory of a person, place or time in our lives. Even the placement of the ornaments means something...like the branches that have three or four ornaments hanging on that one branch were all placed there by our sweet, funny niece, Camille. She did the same thing when we were putting up Mom's tree. I love it...I look at those clumps of ornaments all around the bottom of the tree and immediately see her beautiful smile on that sweet, precious little face. I love looking at the ornaments and going back in time. From the ornaments that Mom and Dad got for me when I was a little girl and the ornaments from John's Grandma whom I never got to meet, to the ones that have been given to us by students throughout the years. There are instruments, music decorations, teddy bears, snowmen, fly fishermen santas, the leg lamp and crate from "A Christmas Story", snowflakes, angels and Santas of every shape and size. The ribbon candy ornaments that Mom and I made together years ago when she visited us in Texas hang all around and remind me of how much Mom loves ribbon candy. The "Our First Christmas Together" ornament from our incredible college friends, Chris and Rick Buttram, always hangs close to the top of the tree. There are the paper mache stars and Christmas trees that Drew and Page, our nieces, made for us when they were little girls. I even have an ornament that Dena Murphy Rose made for me when we were freshmen in high school back in 1981...it's a cross stitched candy cane in a wooden circular frame - and I love it. Each ornament has a story, each story is a memory, each memory is part of who I've become, who I am and who I strive to be. As you put away your Christmas ornaments try to remember where and from whom they came. It makes putting everything away a little bit easier. Then, pick one or two of the people that gave you those ornaments and send them a thank you card for being part of your life...even if the only contact you normally have with them is when you remember them as you put that ornament on the tree each Christmas. Cheers, everyone...it's 2011.

Ahhhh, The New Year- 2011!!

Well, we are 3 hours and 16 minutes into 2011. And so far it has been great! I'm excited about new beginnings for myself in a lot of areas of my life. I have several New Years resolutions to fulfill. To keep losing the weight, to be more positive, to be a nicer person and to stay in touch with my friends and family better-these are just a few of them. I'm thinking I'm going to start an online social network that millions of people will join and make me billions of dollars....oh wait a minute...that's not me...wasn't me....ahh shit. Anyway, Happy New Year to all of my friends and family and I wish all of you the very best in life. Love and Laughter to you all! :)

My take on friends.

I've been thinking a lot about friendship...old friends, new friends, life-long friends...and I'm amazed at how many of all of these I have. I'm lucky...I've met some really wonderful people during my 43 years and I'm happy to say that I've been fortunate enough to call most of them "friend". I love knowing that I can just pick up the phone at 3:00 a.m. and know matter what...there is a list of people that I could call and they would be there within an hour or two. And...I'd (we'd) do the same for them. My mom still has friends that she hangs with from when she was in 1st grade and she's 82! She goes to lunch once every few months with her life-long friends when they can drive themselves to meet! I think that is incredible. Little old ladies who have spunk and have been friends since elementary school still meeting for lunch at an area restaurant just so they can keep in touch and keep their friendships current. I love that. As I send out Christmas cards this year...I keep thinking that so many of these people have really had an influence over my life...some have been teachers, some are classmates, some are college buds, some are people that I have taught with and some are my students from my early years of teaching. Whatever the category, I want to thank all of you for being my friends. Merry Christmas!

Family...the good and the bad.

This is when I think about the fact that we don't have children. I sometimes wonder what kind of parents we would have been. I think I know, but then again...you never really know about people's parenting skills until they have them. I know what I wouldn't do...I saw it every day for the 17 years that I've taught. I saw the great parents too, and I admired them for what they were and are able to accomplish with their children.

Which brings me to my mom. She is a wonderful person who still makes things better for me when I'm bumming or just need to talk. She's smart, compassionate and had the patience of Job when we were growing up. Dad worked long days in St. Louis, not to mention the drive, to support us and Mom took care of EVERYTHING else. I have to say that we've always had a special connection and I can't put into words in this silly blog what I truly feel for and about her. She's always been my guide, guardian and the little voice in my head that would say "Carolinn Jane, you better rethink this one." When I see her after not seeing her for a couple of months, I immediately get this rush of warmth and security that floods my mind and body. She's my inspiration to be a better person, a thoughtful person, a loving, caring person. This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for my mom and all that she has taught me about being a worthwhile human being. Now, can I follow her lead at this time when I'm feeling so crappy about things? Can I let her positive influence cancel out the bullshit I've been hit with this morning? We'll see just how good of a person I truly am. In the singing voice of my Mom, "Straighten up and fly right!" Mom's 82 years old and the wisest, sweetest person I've ever known. I love you, Mom.

To add, or not to add. That is the Facebook question.

Friendship. There are so many levels of friendship and John and I have talked about this a few times. With Facebook being what it is, I've connected with people from high school, college and even elementary school teachers that I had. It really is nice to catch up with people. It's nice to hear good things that they say about you. It's fun to crack jokes and see old pictures and videos. It's not so fun when someone you really don't like stalks you though. Or someone you kinda like wants to be your friend... so because you don't want to be rude, you befriend them and then they are constantly wanting to chat or sending you messages...and you don't really even know or like them! This brings me to my point...Travis Laws posted a link to Jimmy Kimmel's National Unfriend Day. It's funny. It's also so true about FB "friends". Now, I'm not one to just add people that I don't remember, don't know or don't like. But there's that middle ground...the area where you feel like you have to add them because it would be rude not to when they request it, or it's someone that remembers you from school, but you don't remember them, or a spouse of one of your old friends that you don't know but feel like you have to add...it goes on and on! Some of you Facebookers handle it by adding everyone so that you don't offend them, and then when you're on FB, you click the "offline" button in chat so that they can't bother you...I've done that before...but I feel like I shouldn't have to. People need to learn FB etiquette. I'm drawing a line in the facebook sand...here it is: 
#1.If you have a friend who is truly a GREAT friend of  yours...someone that you are CLOSE to, go out with, hang with, talk to on the phone, add them.
#2.If you have a friend who is an OLD friend...truly an old friend from school whether it be elementary or college, this person was someone you spent time with, trusted, loved and shared with, add them.
#3.If you have a person who you haven't spoken to in years, but would like to know about them, what they've been up to, their family, etc. add them.
#4.If a person requests that you add them and you can't remember them until after you've checked them out then you decide...do I really want to re-connect with this person...if so, add them. If not, and you're just doing it to be nice...don't add them.
#5.If someone you couldn't stand in school, was an ass, or a complete dipshit wants to be your friend, check it out before you "don't add them." They might be nice now...they might be rich and want to take you on their yacht...hell, anything can happen, but if you don't care that they have changed and you want to hang on to those old feelings, then, don't add them.
#6.This is a tricky one. If you have an old flame of whom your spouse or significant other is not aware, adding them depends on two things. First, how hot the relationship was. Is this really something you want to have to talk to your spouse or s.o. about? Second, if you are comfortable talking to your spouse or s.o. about it, that's fine...that's how YOU feel...but, think about your spouse or s.o's feelings...do THEY really want to know? John and I know everything there is to know about each other's past relationships...almost too much, I'd say...so it "ain't no thang" for us, but some of my friends...whew! Make the decision, then add them or don't add them. Whatever you can handle!!!
#7.The loser-bully-idiot. This is the person, whether you've known them a long time or just met them, that you really don't like but you have to be around them because of work or school or church...this is the person who makes you the butt of the joke or spouts off about politics and/or religion when it's inappropriate to do so, or takes advantage of people...you get the idea. I say...just because you have to be around them doesn't mean that you have to friend them. Usually this person is so rude that if and when they do notice that you haven't answered their friend request you can just say "I only add family and closest friends." Even if they know you don't, you've been polite about it, much more so then they have and you're off the hook. DON'T ADD THIS PERSON!
#8.If YOU are the person that was or is an ass...don't bother people. You've chosen to be that way, so don't be surprised or offended when people say "get real" to you. Basically, become a nicer person who cares about people, prove yourself as a worthwhile human being, THEN and only then may you ask to be someone's friend on FB. Until then, get off my page. 
Postscript: John has developed a technique that we call "Facebook Ninja." He logs on to see if there are any messages or friends requests and if there aren't and he doesn't have any to send himself...he logs off. Wham...just like that...in the blink of an eye, there's a man all dressed in black with silver stars flying through the FB posts and then he's gone. That was Facebook Ninja John. He's perfected it so that he doesn't have to talk to people if he doesn't want to. It's really funny...he does look good in the black ninja outfit, though.