The Journey Into Middle Age- Better Known as "HELL!"

It snowed, not very much, but enough to close schools in the area. This is John's second snow day home for this year. I think he's enjoying himself, and yet he's a little stir crazy... he feels like he needs to be working on school stuff, getting ready for the next thing, etc.  I, on the other hand, do not feel any of that except maybe the stir crazy part. This morning I made a pot of coffee and opened the blinds in the dining area. The sunlight was streaking across the room after reflecting off of the snow on the deck and stopping briefly to bounce on the leaves of my plants that are in front of the windows. I sat there at the table with my cup o' joe and my sudoku out of the paper, with the sunlight warming my aching joints and realized... I HAD BECOME MY MOTHER!! Not that it's a bad thing...she's wonderful in every way possible. I just kinda realized that - I'm grown up. I am drinking coffee and doing a freakin' puzzle out of the newspaper after having READ the newspaper. It's not like I was checking the stock market in the paper...no, I was reading about the lives other people have, or don't have as the case may be. Really??? This is what being 43 is about...for me...for now? Okay, just for today! I really love coffee, I love doing Sudokus , I love sitting in the sun, and I love my dining room table, but...I don't want to make a habit of this. It's just too weird...when did I become my Mom? When did I decide that I liked coffee?...I didn't used to like it...20 years ago. And when did my hair get soooooooo gray? Where is that youthful, soft skin I used to have? I noticed as I was sitting in the sun at my dining room table, with my hand perched on my Starbucks mug,  that my skin on my hands is starting to get really wrinkled. This is after washing my face and brushing my teeth before bed last night, I discovered that I have little crows feet at the corners of my eyes and my eye lids are starting to droop! And, there's a little crease on my upper lip!  Oh my God!!!! What is happening to me??? I've never been overly concerned about my looks, but...what the hell happened to me and how much worse is this going to get??? And... if I feel this way, no wonder celebrities get plastic surgery...no one knows me and I'm thinking....that's a real possibility...yeah, right...like that's going to help the aging process. I have to say, I know lots of women who have grown old gracefully...but not me. I don't like it one little bit. In fact, I hate it. I hate that my skin is wrinkled, my hair is graying, and my eyes are starting to look like a basset hound's. Really...I'm pissed. Next month, when I turn 44 years old, if I'm still feeling this desperate about my looks...I'm treating myself to a hair appointment complete with color, and some kind of skin refreshing, anti-aging treatment. However, I'm sure I probably won't feel that way...in fact...by the time I finish this blogpost, I'll probably feel something totally different, because I believe my hormones have started their journey into my own little personal hell  which is called menopause...not sure, but I think we're there. There you go, just one more thing for me to be pissed about! Pissed with a smile, that is:)