Do you ever just wish you had one of those ray/stun guns that Captain Kirk and the crew had on Star Trek? I would carry it with me all of the time. In fact I'd have several different sizes...like... a tiny one about the size of an ipod nano, one that would attach to my visor like my garage door opener, a medium sized one for my purse, a big assed one that I could keep an instrument sized case in my trunk...you get the idea! I would be zapping people and things all of the time. Not to kill, of course, but just to stun and make them think twice before they pull the stupid shit that they are about to pull, or to stun them after they've done the stupid shit to let them know that I think they ARE a stupid shit!
Stun Ex. 1. There's a person in line at the grocery store who has forgotten an item. This person then proceeds to send their overweight, slow spouse to retrieve the item while the rest of us continue to wait in line for them. The nano stunner is the perfect one for this situation...you can keep it in your pocket and keep stunning the shit out of them and they'll never know what they hell is going on. A little vindication for making us wait. zzzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex. 2. The driver in the left lane who is going either the same speed or slower than the traffic in the right lane. This person is oblivious to the fact that they have an entire line of traffic backed up behind them on the interstate because they are not paying attention to what is happening on the road. This person gets a zap from the visor stun gun. They'll never know what hit them until I'm driving by them with my pre-made sign that says..."You're friggin' slow! Move over!" zzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex.3 If you are driving in an area where there are dogs that roam, and the dogs like to chase cars and bark until they're hoarse, and you're constantly having to put on your brakes because they keep darting in front of the tires...this is one for the purse/briefcase/manbag... stunner (for women-it could come in bitchin' colors like pink, purple, lime green, neon blue) and (for men-it could be stainless steel, candy apple red...metallic black....) it would be a little bigger with a zap that will actually make the dog run off and lay down to regain his bodily functions. zzzzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex 4. This is for a group situation. Like if you're in a restaurant trying to eat a nice dinner and there's a group of people who are obviously coos and can't help themselves but still need to be taught a lesson. Usually the scenario plays out like this: They are smoking, they are loud, they are being rude to the waitress/waiter, they complain about everything, they don't tip or tip poorly, they men have their baseball caps on, etc. You know who I'm talking about! This is when I'd excuse myself to go out to my car. I would open the trunk pretending to get something out of it, and set the big boy stunner for however many people are in that coo party. Then I would flip the switch...a couple of times...just to make sure they felt it. I'd stay out there, flipping it...until they got up to leave...which probably wouldn't take very long! ZZZZZZZZZT. Done.
I'm not an elitist by far...but, dumb asses really get on my nerves. You know, maybe a bitch slap stunner would work...hmmmm...when you hit the stun switch...it could be programmed to slap the ray across the idiot's face and sting like a slap. THAT would be awesome. I'm not a violent person either, but I fantasize about it!
Stun Ex. 1. There's a person in line at the grocery store who has forgotten an item. This person then proceeds to send their overweight, slow spouse to retrieve the item while the rest of us continue to wait in line for them. The nano stunner is the perfect one for this situation...you can keep it in your pocket and keep stunning the shit out of them and they'll never know what they hell is going on. A little vindication for making us wait. zzzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex. 2. The driver in the left lane who is going either the same speed or slower than the traffic in the right lane. This person is oblivious to the fact that they have an entire line of traffic backed up behind them on the interstate because they are not paying attention to what is happening on the road. This person gets a zap from the visor stun gun. They'll never know what hit them until I'm driving by them with my pre-made sign that says..."You're friggin' slow! Move over!" zzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex.3 If you are driving in an area where there are dogs that roam, and the dogs like to chase cars and bark until they're hoarse, and you're constantly having to put on your brakes because they keep darting in front of the tires...this is one for the purse/briefcase/manbag... stunner (for women-it could come in bitchin' colors like pink, purple, lime green, neon blue) and (for men-it could be stainless steel, candy apple red...metallic black....) it would be a little bigger with a zap that will actually make the dog run off and lay down to regain his bodily functions. zzzzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex 4. This is for a group situation. Like if you're in a restaurant trying to eat a nice dinner and there's a group of people who are obviously coos and can't help themselves but still need to be taught a lesson. Usually the scenario plays out like this: They are smoking, they are loud, they are being rude to the waitress/waiter, they complain about everything, they don't tip or tip poorly, they men have their baseball caps on, etc. You know who I'm talking about! This is when I'd excuse myself to go out to my car. I would open the trunk pretending to get something out of it, and set the big boy stunner for however many people are in that coo party. Then I would flip the switch...a couple of times...just to make sure they felt it. I'd stay out there, flipping it...until they got up to leave...which probably wouldn't take very long! ZZZZZZZZZT. Done.
I'm not an elitist by far...but, dumb asses really get on my nerves. You know, maybe a bitch slap stunner would work...hmmmm...when you hit the stun switch...it could be programmed to slap the ray across the idiot's face and sting like a slap. THAT would be awesome. I'm not a violent person either, but I fantasize about it!
No comments:
Post a Comment