Heaven...Parallel Universe?!

Parallel universes. There's an idea that I can't get my mind around. John and I watched the movie "The Source Code" tonight. It was good...and made me pause for a moment to think about alternate worlds, other mes doing different things, married to someone else or not married at all...knowing different things, being talented in different areas...not liking coffee... (ha ha) Anyway, it's funny to think about those things, I think any alternate mes would still have to be outspoken...just can't imagine it any other way. But then, that's the beauty of the alternate, parallel universe...we CAN'T imagine it and so it exists safely tucked away right beside us, around us- so close, yet undetectable to us. Right now I imagine one of my alternate mes as getting ready as her butler tells her that her driver has pulled the car around and that her private jet to her private tropical island is fueled and ready to wisk her away. Bitch. 

There's kind of a sense of comfort thinking about that other place...whether it exists or not...it's fun to think about all of the possibilities within our world and within the realm of an existence we can't comprehend, at least not in its entirety. Actually, it sounds like heaven to me. Literally...that's how I think about heaven...all of the possibilities, comfortable thoughts and things I can't comprehend. Maybe heaven is the parallel universe. Maybe, just maybe...happiness, kindness, caring and love are all that exist there. For me, I'm going to picture heaven as being on a sun-drenched beach, laying in a lounge chair, the warm, soft sand between my toes, the blue, clear water lapping at the shore just a few feet away from me and I'm holding an ice cold drink in my hand and there's no one around. Seagulls are calling, the waves are breaking and I am closing my eyes as the cool breeze brushes over me. Ahhhhh. My little slice of heaven. Wait...there's one person besides me around...I need a cabana boy to refresh my drink once in a while!

Coffee, The Ultimate Comfort.

I haven't blogged in a few weeks. I've been gone, busy or just not motivated to write. But today is a great day for putting words on paper, or in this case, sending words through satellites!

First, I want to talk about coffee. Let me put it into perspective for you.

You wake up, you're still tired, but you don't have to go anywhere or do anything this particular morning. You slowly work your way to the kitchen in your baggy pajama pants and an old concert t-shirt that has holes in the armpits, and has seen better days, but you just can't stand to part with it. That shirt magically holds memories of youth, happiness and health. You step up to the coffee maker with the anticipation of being engulfed by the aroma that is only present when opening a fresh bag of roasted coffee beans. You slowly fill the coffee pot with water and let it drizzle into the maker. In goes the coffee filter and then...you carefully scoop the desired amount of beans into the grinder. You press the button and all of a sudden there is this vicious assault on all of your senses... but mostly on your hearing. However, you endure it because you know...that in just a few short minutes, after the vibrating grinder stops under your fingers, that the steeping, hot, wet, dark liquid will soon pass your lips and teeth, and bathe the sensitive taste buds of your tongue only to ever so gently pass down your throat and esophagus. At this point, there is a comfort level that no words can express. That first sip of the rich warmth is always the best. At this point, your hands curl around the mug, you lean against the counter and pledge to make the day ahead of you a positive one for those who surround you.

Okay, that was number one...but I really don't have a number two right now...I've got to go make a pot o' joe. 

Sparky Snickers

We didn't make any special plans for the 4th of July this year. In fact, we didn't make any plans at all! John ended up falling asleep and I went over to Michele and Daron's to watch the fireworks wars with Michele, Kendrick and Camille that their neighborhood has every year. The big city sponsored firework displays were all done on Saturday night for some odd reason this year, and the 4th was on Monday...oh well, missed it. After I got home around 10:30pm that night, John woke up and we were sitting in the living room talking and watching tv. I kept hearing what I thought was a strange noise from outside...stranger than all of the crazy loud fireworks going off! John got up and there was a little black and gray striped kitten on our deck looking in our back door and meowing, terrified out of his mind. Of course, my heart sank, and instantly John opened the door and the kitten came scampering in. When he ran in, it was obvious he was scared and confused. He didn't realize he was at the wrong house until he came inside, I think. John gently picked him up and we both went out on the deck with him. We knew he had to be someone's pet even though he didn't have a collar. He was de-clawed and acted like he'd been around people by how loving and trusting he was.

John got the kitty a bowl of milk and we sat out on the deck with him. He jumped up on my lap and I held him and scratched his ears. He'd go back and forth between John and myself getting as much loving and scratching as he could!  He'd get up in my lap, cuddle up as closely as he could get to me and tucked his little face under my arm to hide from the loud explosions. He started purring and fell asleep for just a couple of minutes. The fireworks died down the later it became and he perked up. He jumped down off of my lap and started batting at and pouncing on the Junebugs that were flying around the window of our back door. After about an hour and a half, John and I went inside to go to bed and he started pawing at the window for us to let him in. We said our goodnights to him and went to bed thoroughly expecting him to be gone by morning, hopefully having found his people.

The next morning, John got up around 6a.m. and came in to wake me up to tell me the kitten was still on the deck. John had cut up a piece of salami for him...he ate most of it! As the morning went on the sun was beating down on the deck and it was so hot, the little thing was just laying there in the shade of the table, panting like you see lions do. I felt so sorry for him. I picked him up and put him on our front porch where it was much cooler and out of the streaming sun. I gave him cold water and knew I had to do something for him before the sun reached the front of the house in the afternoon, so I called our neighbor just to see if they had lost their pet. We found out that the kitten had adopted them just a few days before and their little girl had fallen in love with it. She's about 8 or 9 and had named him "Snickers". I had been calling him Sparky since he'd shown up on the 4th of July. The neighbors had taken him in, bought food for him and were keeping him.

Relieved to know that he was going to have a family to care for him, I went out to sit with him until the neighbor girl came to get him. He was rolling around on the cool concrete and jumping on my lap and rubbing my feet and hands trying to get every possible loving stroke he could from me. After about five minutes, the neighbor girl came trekking across the yard and came around the corner. She smiled really big when she saw him and said with delight, "SNICKERS!" The kitty jumped up off of my feet and galloped to his girl. She picked him up and said "I was so worried about you!" He loved on her, obviously glad to see her. He ventured back and forth between the two of us and loved on us both  as we talked. When it was time for her to go, we said our goodbyes and she turned to walk across the yards. She turned back and said "Come on, Snickers!" The sweet, green-eyed kitten took a couple of romps toward the direction she was traveling then...he stopped. He turned his little head around and looked at me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I said "It's okay, buddy...go with your girl." With that, he was on her heels, chasing her across the lawn.

I love animals of all kinds, but I think "Sparky Snickers", the scared kitten that ran out of the neighbor's house on July 4th, 2011 between fireworks explosions, will have a special place in my heart for a long time to come.

Reasonable Doubt Being Doubted

The verdict on the State of Florida vs. Caylee Anthony case was read today. Many people were shocked that she was found NOT GUILTY on the following charges.
First Degree Murder
Manslaughter
Child Abuse
She WAS convicted of lying to law enforcement. As much as this has enraged people, the fact is - that in a court of law in the United States of America, if Reasonable Doubt can be established, then a conviction, by law....can not be imparted by the jury. 

Just because we know Casey is a pathological liar and her parents obviously share the same problem, and the pieces of this crazy, disgusting, convoluted puzzle which not only resulted in the death of a beautiful child, but also disrespected and disgraced her small body after her untimely, sad death - does not mean that the jury can convict Casey.


The prosecution obviously thought that the media had won this case for them over the past 3 years. They had to know that there was reasonable doubt....the "facts" were too fucked up from the continuous lies and findings from Casey, her parents, her brother, to the meter reader that "found" little Caylee's remains. When the prosecution threw First Degree Murder AND Manslaughter AND Child Abuse along with the lesser charges at Casey- thinking they'd get one of them to stick, they should have known that there was going to be REASONABLE DOUBT and that she wouldn't be convicted. If they wanted to make sure she was convicted, the prosecution should have charged her with 2nd Degree Murder (which is not pre-meditated) and that jury would have convicted her. But, because Prosecutor Ashton wanted the death penalty - and was more than likely thinking he was going to become famous - and his cockiness got the best of him during the trial, he blew it.


John and I talked about this at length this afternoon. He should have been a lawyer...he loves it and he's good at it. When he was accepted into Wesleyan Law School in Fort Worth a few years back, I just couldn't see how we could make it work being an hour away...maybe he'll get another shot someday...he needs to be a lawyer. He still studies it and his knowledge of criminal law is amazing. Of course, John being John is brilliant at whatever he chooses to do...his mind is incredible.


Back to the Anthony family...wow. Those people...those horrible people...I hope they get help and look at this day as a precious gift. Whether they like each other or not, whether they have anything to do with each other or not...divorce or not....they ALL need serious mental health help. 


The fact is...I'm thankful for Reasonable Doubt. Too many people have been convicted and put to death in this country only to find out afterward that the evidence proved they were innocent. This is the crux of my own dilemma. I've always thought that if someone were to hurt or kill someone that I love, I wouldn't have a problem with that individual being put to death. Now, after years of studying it and re-thinking it...I guess I just don't know. 

If you want information on wrongful convictions there is plenty out there for your perusal. I personally appreciate all that our police, detectives and other law enforcement do to get at the truth...even when the truth is not the truth.
 

Old Friends.

The retirement party planning is finished and Dr. John B. Egbert is now officially enjoying the next stage of his life! The party was a success and I'm glad that we were able to enjoy old friends, make new friends and show JBE just how much we all love him.

After having spent the better part of a year putting this party together, I'm finding that my heart and mind are overwhelmed with the need to stay connected with old friends that over the last 20 years have lived our separate lives and with whom I've not been in contact! It was an emotional roller coaster Sat. night. When I saw Amy Flaker-Craig for the first time since her wedding 16 years ago, we embraced like two old lost friends do...the tears rolled down my cheeks as she said..."you still smell the same!" I'm hoping that was the Liz Claiborne and not sweat she was wiffing. Amy is one of the sweetest, nicest people in the world and I love her with all of my heart. As one of my best friends in college, we shared numerous experiences through choir, doing musicals, parties, snowy spring breaks, aerobics classes, beers and cooking chinese together. We helped each other through break-ups and shared in the excitement of new loves. But, life happened, and like soooooo many of my other friends from college...we have all done our own thing... married, careers, children for some. Life.

Keith Allen is another one of my good friends from my days at the University. He is still one of the funniest people I have ever met. You can't help but smile when he makes eye contact with you. It is truly impossible. The twinkle in those big brown eyes and the flash of those teeth still make me shutter a little wondering what the hell he's up to. His southern Missouri twang in that deep bass voice of his makes me want to pick up a guitar (if I could play one) and make him start singing John Denver's "Thank God I'm  A Country Boy!" Keith was always there with a helping hand if anybody ever needed anything. He was also always there with a hand out if you had any kind of food laying around. We lived with several of our other music friends in the same old, nasty house we called "Skid Row". It had been divided into three apartments, and having choir rehearsal at noon every day with Dr. Egbert, we all saw a lot of each other. He is a kind, gentle soul with a loving heart and personality. And...I still love him dearly.

I could go on...about many more friends that I hadn't seen in 20 years, but for now, I'm writing this blog with a smile on my face and in my soul.

I'd like to thank John Egbert for giving us the musical experiences that electrified our musical family at Southeast Missouri State University in the mid to late 80's and early 90's. It was six years of my life from the age of 18 to the age of 24. In that time, I grew from a teenager with very little life experience into a young woman with confidence, knowledge and drive. 
I did not know that planning this retirement party would have the effect on me that it did. I'm feeling much better about not being able to teach right now, about not being able to do any of the things I truly love... because seeing those people gave me a boost and helped me to remember that WHO I am is not what my body and disease dictate. I am still the same girl inside my heart and mind. I just had to have a nudge to find her again.


 

Answers, please.

I have many questions about life. Here are some of them! Feel free to answer...I'd LOVE some answers.

Question #1.
Do the people who drive in the left hand lane on the interstate - going the speed limit - do it just to piss the rest of us off?

Question #2.
What makes little kids smell like wet dogs after they've been outside playing?

Question #3.
Karma...moral causation. Are the Buddhists right about this? If so, at what point do the people that are assholes get what's coming to them??


Question #4.
Is God? That's it. Is God.

Question #5.
Why doesn't my heart sing anymore? Too much life, perhaps? Or is it because I'm constantly questioning #4?

Question #6.
What happens when we die? Really.....don't tell me some white light....unless it's the truth.


Question #7.
Do any of you who read this blog ever feel the presence of a deceased loved one? Or smell, hear or even see them? Or any deceased persons? I have many questions about this one...but for now...we'll just leave it at that.


Questions #8.
Why is it that kids and animals are so drawn to certain people?


Question #9.
Have any of you ever been in the presence of true evil?


Question #10.
I try to put out positive vibes into the world as much as possible. How do you do it??


If you can't reply on here under comments, or you don't want everyone to see your reply, please email me your thoughts at carolinnd@hotmail.com








 

Beds and Pixels

Months ago, we got rid of a lot of our "extras" when we realized there was no way in hell I was going to be able to work this year. One of the things we cut out of our lives was cable/satellite. I purchased the digital boxes and the rabbit ears that go with and one is in the living room and the other is in the bedroom. Now since we don't have anything more up to date than a Playstation 2, and obviously our tvs are old or we wouldn't need the boxes and rabbit ears, we can't get NetFlix for 8 dollars a month so that we can watch many of our favorite shows when we want to. I tell you this so that I can tell you a story. This story takes place in our bedroom last night. It seems that every time the wind blows, it rains OR someone moves, the signal goes out and all of these pixels come up on the screen. We were watching a re-run of Seinfeld, and John leaned up on his pillows to see the tv better and it froze and started jumping and the sound was cutting in and out. He put his head back down and it was just fine. He sat up again....and once again the picture and sound froze. He said "You've got to be f'ing kidding me...I sit up so I can see the tv better and my head interrupts the signal?" So, he got out of bed, tried adjusting the antennae and laid back down. It was fine...until...I moved my foot over about 2 inches. I immediately moved it back and it was clear again...So, just for fun...I tested it out...moved my foot two inches again...pic became all fuzzy...moved it back...it was fine. By this time, I thought John was going to have a rigor. He said..."Can you please tell me why the picture on our public television stations is always great...and those are completely supported by fundraisers and donations...and these multi-million dollar networks can't keep a signal??" He was so frustrated. In the big picture of life, none of this is really important. But, when John has worked his ass off to make things better for me, so that I can feel better and the ONE thing that he really enjoys and that relaxes him (watching good tv) has been diminished from 300 plus channels to 7 or 8 that won't even come in very well, I think he deserves something good to happen to him, for him. I don't know what or when, but I'm looking for it...and yet, I'm smiling every time I move my foot in bed. :)

Dr. Gary Miller and the "gang"

Some of my college buds and I are planning a retirement party for one of our professors. As I was checking my rsvps last night for his party, one of our other professors, Dr. Gary Miller responded to me with the following email:

May 3, 2011

Hi Carolinn:

A voice from the distant past.  Yes, put me down for attending John's retirement.  Mary has a wedding to play that night and can't make it.  Just list me as plain old Gary Miller.

The only thing that would prevent from being there are health issues.  I've been out about 3/4 of the semester.  I've had some serious heart problems, so I will actually retire on June 1, 2011 after 30 years at Southeast.  I will miss the students and wonderful faculty, etc, but I need to be able to spend time with my family, however long that time may be.

It'll be fun to see all of you again. 

All best wishes,
Gary Miller

Today, we got the terrible news that he passed away last night from a heart attack. His email made me pause last night for obvious reasons. Tonight, many of us who were his students who admired and loved him not only for his teaching skills but also for his incredible musicianship and his sense of humor, are feeling a lot of different emotions. I personally am feeling sad but with this overwhelming sense of nostalgia. My husband has a great story about Dr. Miller that Mr. Robert Restemyer, RIP, told during one of his theory classes.
Dr. Gary Miller, Dr. Charles Smith and Mr. Robert Restemyer were at some kind of a Music Theory convention (fun times)! In the middle of the night, Dr. Smith and Mr. Restemyer were awakened by the tv. There at the end of one of the hotel room beds was Dr. Miller sitting there watching music videos on MTV! Now remember, this was back in the  mid 80's when MTV was NEW! According to Mr. Restemyer, Dr. Smith said "Gary...what ARE you doing???" And in typical Gary Miller style he replied "My God, Chuck, you've GOT to see this...this is the most incredible thing!!" -I can just see and hear him saying it! :) One of my favorite memories of Dr. Miller was when I had a party at our dump of an apartment which we called "Skid Row" he and a few other of our profs showed up! Everyone who came to the party had to do something to get in...any talent OR non-talent was welcome! Dr.  Miller and his wife Mary came...he tap danced to get in! Typical Dr. Miller. Always a smile, always some word of encouragement. 
Dr. Miller, if you can hear my thoughts, thank you for your 30 years of dedication to music education at Southeast.  We are all better teachers, performers and musicians for having been in your presence. 

ZZZZZZT. Done.

Do you ever just wish you had one of those ray/stun guns that Captain Kirk and the crew had on Star Trek? I would carry it with me all of the time. In fact I'd have several different sizes...like... a tiny one about the size of an ipod nano, one that would attach to my visor like my garage door opener, a medium sized one for my purse, a big assed one that I could keep an instrument sized case in my trunk...you get the idea! I would be zapping people and things all of the time. Not to kill, of course, but just to stun and make them think twice before they pull the stupid shit that they are about to pull, or to stun them after they've done the stupid shit to let them know that I think they ARE a stupid shit!
Stun Ex. 1. There's a person in line at the grocery store who has forgotten an item. This person then proceeds to send their overweight, slow spouse to retrieve the item while the rest of us continue to wait in line for them. The nano stunner is the perfect one for this situation...you can keep it in your pocket and keep stunning the shit out of them and they'll never know what they hell is going on. A little vindication for making us wait. zzzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex. 2.  The driver in the left lane who is going either the same speed or slower than the traffic in the right lane. This person is oblivious to the fact that they have an entire line of traffic backed up behind them on the interstate because they are not paying attention to what is happening on the road. This person gets a zap from the visor stun gun. They'll never know what hit them until I'm driving by them with my pre-made sign that says..."You're friggin' slow! Move over!" zzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex.3 If you are driving in an area where there are dogs that roam, and the dogs like to chase cars and bark until they're hoarse, and you're constantly having to put on your brakes because they keep darting in front of the tires...this is one for the purse/briefcase/manbag... stunner (for women-it could come in bitchin' colors like pink, purple, lime green, neon blue) and (for men-it could be stainless steel, candy apple red...metallic black....) it would be a little bigger with a zap that will actually make the dog run off and lay down to regain his bodily functions. zzzzzzzzzzzt. Done.
Stun Ex 4. This is for a group situation. Like if you're in a restaurant trying to eat a nice dinner and there's a group of people who are obviously coos and can't help themselves but still need to be taught a lesson. Usually the scenario plays out like this: They are smoking, they are loud, they are being rude to the waitress/waiter, they complain about everything, they don't tip or tip poorly, they men have their baseball caps on, etc. You know who I'm talking about! This is when I'd excuse myself to go out to my car. I would open the trunk pretending to get something out of it, and set the big boy stunner for however many people are in that coo party. Then I would flip the switch...a couple of times...just to make sure they felt it. I'd stay out there, flipping it...until they got up to leave...which probably wouldn't take very long! ZZZZZZZZZT. Done.
I'm not an elitist by far...but, dumb asses really get on my nerves. You know, maybe a bitch slap stunner would work...hmmmm...when you hit the stun switch...it could be programmed to slap the ray across the idiot's face and sting like a slap. THAT would be awesome. I'm not a violent person either, but I fantasize about it!

John's thoughts on the 4MAT Learning Cycle Directly from Bernice McCarthy's Blog!

Below is the actual blog post from Bernice McCarthy with John's answer to the question. John's thought processes have always amazed me. Over the past few years, even before he got his masters in Curriculum and Instruction- which I might add, was a very difficult degree to work on over those 3 years- he has been passionate about the different learning processes and the different TEACHING processes that teach to each learning style! He's a big picture thinker but his detailed and focused analysis of the 4MAT Learning Cycle is truly amazing!

3 Transformations of 4MAT

 Blog, week of April 14

The 4MAT Cycle of Learning is a transforming design for learning. Three transformations happen when it is used. The students inside feelings are connected to possible outside learning usefulness, they are moved from their past experiences to the future the learning could bring, and they move from being receivers, orderers of information and knowledge, to producers and users, the ultimate learning result.
These transformations were first listed in James Zull’s book, The Art of Changing the Brain, 2002, as he compared the Learning Cycle with how the brain works. Recently one of the online course graduates of our 4MAT training answered the question of how these transformations really work, and this is his answer.
“The Cycle is an expansion of who we are and who we are becoming from the inside out (from our thinking to our acting, from the germ of an idea till its fruition as application, crystallizing the process of human growth, etc.), and is a transfer of what someone else gives us to what we eventually give back to everyone else.
Less obvious is the idea that the cycle is actually a representation of life, of our humanity, of who we really are as a sentient species. I'm sure that the About Learning crew has had this epiphany many times, but I see the whole 4MAT system as a constantly evolving model that can even be used to explain some things metaphysically. 4MAT as a way of explaining the meaning of life may be a stretch, but there are times when the model makes the TRULY big questions more palatable and amenable to be asked.
More concrete and embraceable, though, is my thought that Bernice has finally - after two and a half millenia of argument - given us a simple way to epistemologically reconcile Plato and Aristotle, the idealists and the realists, the constructivists and the perennialists, Gardner and Hirsch. As we move around the 4MAT Cycle from noon to noon and from six to six, we are literally embracing and applying the precepts of both of the foundational philosophies of Western civilization and schooling and education as we know it today. Within the model is the idealistic canon of inside-out thinking, connectedness to each other, and the collective consciousness. But it also creates room for the rigor of subject matter expertise, of what is already known and still emerging, the pacing and sequencing that Aristotle and Aquinas pushed so heavily. This is the essence of the answer to the question about the three transformations. Those smarty-pants Greeks were searching for reconciliation of these two very different takes on this issue of temporal (past to future), personally intrinsic (inside to outside), and interpersonal (receiver to producer) transformation. And now, thanks to Jung, Kolb, Dewey, etc., and especially Bernice for synthesizing it all, we have the means by which to effect that reconciliation.
I really believe it is time for we teachers to quit choosing philosophical sides and realize that ALL great thinking is just that: great. Why did Dewey have to be wrong if Adler was right? The answer to those questions is "Duh." Has the research on educational best practices (i.e. that LOTS of good things work, depending on the students, their environments, the teachers, etc.) meant nothing? It is a condemnation of our too-frequent anti-intellectualism of educators where we see everything as either or. Bernice has - perhaps unwittingly, but I doubt it - given us the means by which to change the course of educational history. That is the truly most powerful transformation inherent in the cycle. Will we organize and inform and ourselves to make it happen?”
–John F. Devos, Instrumental Music Director, Reeds Spring R-IV Schools, Reeds Spring, MO

Needless to say, I was absolutely delighted with this answer and wanted to share it. Sorry about the braggadocio, but this is truly how I see the Kurt Lewin cycle, (1951) taken up so prodigiously by David Kolb(1982) and to which I added the instructional design template. (1982)
I never tire of probing the depth of it and find teachers grasp the common sense of it readily.
Many thanks to John Devos for his lovely thoughts.