Layers. Layers and layers and layers of love, sadness, frustration, elation, relief, and a whole lot of other words that are descriptors is how I view my life. It's like a giant layer cake but the layers in between the cake layers are all of the extra things that I look at as having been the "really good stuff" that made the other layers more interesting and bearable.
I heard a quote from a movie today. "Getting old isn't bad...it's earned." My life has been grand. I've gotten to do things that many people only dream of doing. I've traveled to foreign lands, sung in Carnegie Hall with a bunch of my friends, prayed in Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, put myself through college by waiting tables at Pizza Hut and directing church choir, taught hundreds and hundreds of kids music-elementary music, Jr. High and High School choir and band, Music Theory...I've thrown lots of parties, cooked wonderful meals, refurnished furniture, laughed with my family and friends, helped raise my youngest niece and nephew, laid in the sun under blues skies a thousand times, swam in the Caribbean, camped in the forest and built my own campfire, drank great beers, sipped great bourbon, laid in bed with my mom and talked about the world, played basketball with my dad, shared secrets with my sisters and stories with my brothers, felt pride with my husband as we watched our band take the field in competition, discussed politics & religion, worn beautiful clothes and jewelry, lived in three states, worked on a cruise ship as a fill in for a month, learned from everyone I possibly can and have tried to set a good example for my students as well as my nieces and nephews.
All of these things make up the layers of my lifecake. The layers are all delicious and irreplaceable. I consider myself very lucky in so many ways. I found my soul mate my first day of college, even though we didn't get together until years later. And that one thing..finding John and marrying him has molded my life in ways that have expanded my knowledge, made me laugh harder than I ever thought possible and shown me that love really can be unconditional. My life is good....great at times! Yes, my limitations are many more than I anticipated they would be at my age, but as I find more and more ways to cope, deal and overcome these limitations, I find myself growing stronger emotionally. I've always been a "tough" girl, but now, I'm feeling a bit like what I would assume is how Wonder Woman feels. Tough with experience to back it up. And a cool outfit, too!
I've always been terrified of the thought of dying. I've experienced death as most people have...my dad died at the age of 64-I was 25-, my grandparents have all passed, I have friends who have passed. My very first time I experienced death was with my friend John Gower in 5th grade. Then my friend, Nancy Wisdom our freshman year, Mike Hoose, AJ Concelada, Gary Reeves and many more, unfortunately. I've had students that have passed and teachers that have passed. And every single one disturbed me immensely.
I've always been so worried about what impact my life was going to have on others, what GREAT things I could and would do....what recognition I would get for those things, and all this time that I've spent worrying about all of that was wasted time. It doesn't really matter in the long run, what matters is how you make people FEEL. It's not about money, cars, a beautiful house...the things I've always thought we should have- and all the things that we use for the meaning of "success"...it's about the happiness that we give to people in our presence, with our laughter, our love and kindness.
I'm very comfortable with what I've accomplished. I'm very uncomfortable with what I haven't accomplished but have learned to accept the fact that those things...I may never be able to do. That's okay, though...it really is. I've earned my crows feet-I've earned my scars and gray hair. I am still able to LOVE and LAUGH and to me...those are the most important things in my lifecake now. Thank God those are things we can do-no matter what our bodies have in store for us...I'm thankful to be able to do them both...and do them VERY well.
So with that, I will say to those of you who find yourselves in a bad place in your life, take a deep breath and be thankful that you can laugh and love...no matter what else you do or don't have...you can do both of those things with MANY other people. Be grateful for that, take advantage of that-as for the rest of those bothersome things that you haven't accomplished or been able to get yet-understand that you may never accomplish or get them. It's okay...make it okay.
I heard a quote from a movie today. "Getting old isn't bad...it's earned." My life has been grand. I've gotten to do things that many people only dream of doing. I've traveled to foreign lands, sung in Carnegie Hall with a bunch of my friends, prayed in Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, put myself through college by waiting tables at Pizza Hut and directing church choir, taught hundreds and hundreds of kids music-elementary music, Jr. High and High School choir and band, Music Theory...I've thrown lots of parties, cooked wonderful meals, refurnished furniture, laughed with my family and friends, helped raise my youngest niece and nephew, laid in the sun under blues skies a thousand times, swam in the Caribbean, camped in the forest and built my own campfire, drank great beers, sipped great bourbon, laid in bed with my mom and talked about the world, played basketball with my dad, shared secrets with my sisters and stories with my brothers, felt pride with my husband as we watched our band take the field in competition, discussed politics & religion, worn beautiful clothes and jewelry, lived in three states, worked on a cruise ship as a fill in for a month, learned from everyone I possibly can and have tried to set a good example for my students as well as my nieces and nephews.
All of these things make up the layers of my lifecake. The layers are all delicious and irreplaceable. I consider myself very lucky in so many ways. I found my soul mate my first day of college, even though we didn't get together until years later. And that one thing..finding John and marrying him has molded my life in ways that have expanded my knowledge, made me laugh harder than I ever thought possible and shown me that love really can be unconditional. My life is good....great at times! Yes, my limitations are many more than I anticipated they would be at my age, but as I find more and more ways to cope, deal and overcome these limitations, I find myself growing stronger emotionally. I've always been a "tough" girl, but now, I'm feeling a bit like what I would assume is how Wonder Woman feels. Tough with experience to back it up. And a cool outfit, too!
I've always been terrified of the thought of dying. I've experienced death as most people have...my dad died at the age of 64-I was 25-, my grandparents have all passed, I have friends who have passed. My very first time I experienced death was with my friend John Gower in 5th grade. Then my friend, Nancy Wisdom our freshman year, Mike Hoose, AJ Concelada, Gary Reeves and many more, unfortunately. I've had students that have passed and teachers that have passed. And every single one disturbed me immensely.
I've always been so worried about what impact my life was going to have on others, what GREAT things I could and would do....what recognition I would get for those things, and all this time that I've spent worrying about all of that was wasted time. It doesn't really matter in the long run, what matters is how you make people FEEL. It's not about money, cars, a beautiful house...the things I've always thought we should have- and all the things that we use for the meaning of "success"...it's about the happiness that we give to people in our presence, with our laughter, our love and kindness.
I'm very comfortable with what I've accomplished. I'm very uncomfortable with what I haven't accomplished but have learned to accept the fact that those things...I may never be able to do. That's okay, though...it really is. I've earned my crows feet-I've earned my scars and gray hair. I am still able to LOVE and LAUGH and to me...those are the most important things in my lifecake now. Thank God those are things we can do-no matter what our bodies have in store for us...I'm thankful to be able to do them both...and do them VERY well.
So with that, I will say to those of you who find yourselves in a bad place in your life, take a deep breath and be thankful that you can laugh and love...no matter what else you do or don't have...you can do both of those things with MANY other people. Be grateful for that, take advantage of that-as for the rest of those bothersome things that you haven't accomplished or been able to get yet-understand that you may never accomplish or get them. It's okay...make it okay.
You don't need the outfit to be Wonder Woman, Carolinn-- you just ARE! I once heard a friend say their life had layers too, but their layers were that of an onion-- stinky. I much prefer your analogy. Cake is good (well, unless you're diabetic and can't eat it, but I digress) and life is good. Thanks for reminding us.
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