Sweat, Crying, Insurance and Thinking Liberal

And here it goes...
Let me just start this post off by saying what I've said before and what everyone else has always said (maybe not in these exact words) and what everyone in the future will say...Menopause is an evil,  all-consuming, making your mind crazy, lighting your ass on fire and making you sweat like a whore in church, making you sob like a baby without a rattle, leaving your eyes wide open when they should be closed and resting, energy zapping piece of bohboh. I HATE IT. I am personally contributing to Global Warming because of all of the electricity I use running the a/c, running the ceiling fans, running the oscillating fan and standing in front of the frige with the door open. Even though I recycle A LOT...it's never going to make up for the energy I've used over the last month trying to keep from spontaneously combusting on the spot. No, I can't take hormones because they induce cancer growth...yeah, they didn't tell me that one before the ol' uterus and ovaries were yanked out. Really?? I'm finding that I'm starting to get irritated really quickly also....like PMS times 50. Let me just say it now....poor John. Honey, I really am trying to be sweet...it's not me being bitchy...I really am having a hard time controlling my emotions...so if I'm not crying....I'm pissy....sorry... and hopefully I'll learn to deal with it better very quickly. Just know that I love you....even if I do feel like slapping you and your seeing eye poodle named Killer just because my hormones say so...I really hope you're laughing right now. Okay, enough said...I'll move on.

Have any of you ever considered what it must have been like to live back in the days before modern medicine, technology and germicide? Before a/c, heat, and everything electricity? I wouldn't have made it. Disease ridden people like me didn't last...makes me wonder about all of the talent that died before it was discovered?!? You never know, there could have been several more Beethovens or Monets...Mozarts or DaVincis or anyone else you'd like to substitute in there. Something to ponder. 

We, like many other people, have watched the first two episodes of Revolution on NBC. I thought it was going to be a lot better than what it is...but hopefully, it'll pick up. But, it brings to the forefront of my mind some things I'd like to know...maybe you're curious too?

1. Technology wise..."Grace" has what looks like an old Apple from the 80's....why in the world would she be using that instead of a laptop or a decent desktop from the last year before the blackout?

2. What do all of those "women" do about having their periods??? Feminine hygiene??? Sanitary napkins, tampons...etc? Just thinking out loud here, folks. Yeah, the guys don't care about that one...but I'm sure I'm not the only woman out there who has wondered about the big "P".

3. Why does that black guy that played "Fring" in Breaking Bad always play a mean, killer type???

4. How in the world do they expect us to believe that they were able to round up all of the guns just by saying you can't have them and the penalty for having them is death...yeah, right...think about that....if we were actually in that situation...NO ONE and I mean NO ONE would give up their arms willingly. I know I certainly wouldn't.

5. Could someone please write in Charlie's script that when they do the daytime soap opera close-up at the end of a scene right before a commercial break...that she needs to stop furrowing her brow to make us see and feel her intended emotion. It just makes her look like she's constipated and in need of some Miralax.

Maybe these questions will be answered in the next few episodes...if not, I'm writing the editors.

Okay, now for politics. I won't go overboard here, but let me just say this. I have always been a very hard worker. I've never rested on my laurels and wouldn't be now if it weren't for this damned RA. I do everything I'm supposed to do...I take my meds, keep all of my appointments, eat right...drink plenty of water, take vitamin and herbal supplements, meditate, I do breathing exercises, read inspiring works, sing, play, dance, laugh and love. Okay, dancing not so much now, but my new version of it...:) How does this fit into politics? This is how. I am so freaking tired of listening to my conservative friends and conservative leaders talk about me. Yes, ME. I receive Social Security Disability...which I paid into...not as a teacher in Missouri, but from other jobs. I will be on Medicare as of November 1st. I have been on both sides of this argument...not just for arguments sake, but ACTUALLY, physically have been there. I am lucky...we've always been able to have health insurance through our teaching positions. We don't have children, so we didn't have that worry on our minds....it is just the two of us. But, let me tell you this. Had we not been teachers...where insurance is partially paid for us, I would have been dead a long time ago. I can not and will never understand why anyone in this country would deprive every man, woman and child of health insurance. I don't care if they are lazy, not wanting to work asshole adults...most of them have children. Those children do not deserve to suffer EVEN MORE just because they were born to idiotic pricks. I'm sure everyone knows the breakdown about the current cost of emergency room visits per year and long-term hospitalized people without insurance costs as opposed to the entire health insurance for everyone costs....it would be cheaper in the long run...so, I won't bore you with the details and specifics...AND EVERYONE WOULD BE COVERED. Every single aging parent- like my sweet, smart, paying out the nose at the age of 84 for health insurance Mother, and every ill baby, toddler, elementary child, middle school child, and teenager...and even our college kids...so many college kids don't have insurance...so many of all of these categories don't have-can't afford-health insurance. I don't necessarily agree with all of President Obama's health care plan...but it's a start to get us moving to what should be a right for every single person in our America. Do not write me and tell me I'm wrong. And how President Obama is the devil incarnate...sorry...I disagree and will not waste my time on that never gonna get anywhere scenario. I've already debated this health situation with many people...and being in the position I'm in health-wise...I have a unique perspective that healthy people who have always been able to afford health insurance and still eat and put gas in their car and go shopping and pay all of their bills will never agree with or understand. Who knows, if the government would do it correctly...even the crackheads, methheads and whatever heads might be "more" able to get lined out and into rehab without the cost being so very high that they can't get help. No, I'm not a bleeding heart. Lazy ass, not taking care of their children, not working, taking advantage of the system people piss me off and make me fighting mad...but I have weighed those feelings with the facts. And now, I know I've alienated a lot of our friends who are conservatives...and I'm sad about that, but....you guys post conservative shit all of the time on FB and such...I just can't keep quiet about this one any longer...that is, not being in my current situation and having lived through trying to stay as healthy as possible while not being able to pay the bills because I had to stop working. Things are better now, because I've spent the last two years digging us out of the hole...medical bills are piling up as we speak... again...but, it will be paid...so please, don't tell me about what you think needs to happen with health insurance in this country...if you've never been in a health crisis where you had to decide whether to pay the electric bill in January, or buy your medicine that has a price tag of $5000.00...for one med, for one month. Now, that wasn't my cost, thank GOD, because I had HEALTH INSURANCE... which brought it down to $100.00 per month for that one medicine...the medicine that allows me to walk, move my appendages and not be in so much pain that all I can do without it is cry and vomit. I don't want to hear it...I don't want to debate it...and I don't want to lose friends...and since this is MY BLOG...I'll say whatever I damned well please. So, there it is. Now, everybody knows how I feel about it. Like it or not...it's out there. Yes, I'm liberal AND conservative depending on what we're talking about...but I lean much, much further toward the liberal side on most things. I usually don't talk about it because so many of our friends are conservative...and I love and respect them all, and don't want to piss anybody off...but at this point, I had to say it. Had to get it off of my chest. (nobody say anything about my chest....I already know what you're thinking, you smart mouths:) especially all of my guy friends.)

Now for a lighter subject...floating feathers. :)

Hugs to you all...and yes, even to my conservative friends!!! I love you all, dearly. :)

P.S. In tomorrow's blog, I will explain about the seeing eye poodle named Killer. :)

Bitch Slapped It.

I just bitch-slapped uterine cancer. Of course, I did that with the help and support of Dr. Darren Lehnert, gynecologist- Dr. Jay Carlson, women's oncology surgeon- John, Michele and the rest of my family and friends. Inside, I'm completely healed. I still have a small wound on my abdomen from where the incision dehissed, but it is healing quickly. However, I am CANCER FREE at this point. Freakin' yeyyyyy for me!!!!!!!! :)

At my last post-op appointment, I was told "You two can start having sex again, but you might want to play with some different positions because you will be tender in there." Sex???? That is the last thing on my mind right now...we're so wrung out from the last three months of summer and John being back in school...and the fact that I still have a gash in my belly...yeah....sex isn't exactly what is on our minds right now! However, I'm POSITIVE we can work something out! :)

I'm amazed at how much less energy I have. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that the RA is ravaging my body even after being back on the meds for 6 weeks...I hope the meds kick in soon, because I'm getting ready to find some alternative pain medicating sources if they can't get this under control! :)

Now, every three months, I go back in for a pap smear. I bet you're wondering the same thing I was....a pap? What in the hell are they going to smear??? It's all GONE! (thank goodness, btw!) Well, here's what happens. When you have uterine cancer and a complete hysterectomy, they sew the area where the cervix was closed. So that's the top of the hootie! That is where the pap is taken, because that is where the cancer will show first if it returns. So, for the next two years, I will be visiting my hootie oncologist every three months to have a pap of my non-cervix!

On a more serious note, I want those of you who have never been into a women's oncology office to picture what I have experienced in the waiting room for the last few months. As you enter the waiting room, the first thing that you notice is that there are several men sitting in there, reading, drinking coffee and trying to look casual. They are the husbands, fathers, brothers, sons and friends of the women who are in the stirrups just through "the door" - the door that leads to terror as well as healing. All of the men looked up at me-every single appointment- as I enter the room...and they all smiled at me...as if to say..."I understand what you're going through...and I'm sorry." As they sit there trying to be strong for their loved one who is on the other side of "the door", it makes me grateful that I have such a healthy support network of friends and family. Then, I'm stunned. Out of "the door" comes one of the stricken women. She comes out, walking ever so slowly with the aid of a walker and a beautiful scarf wrapped around her bare head, obviously the loss of her hair is from chemo or radiation treatments. Her man jumped up with her purse on his arm and was right by her side helping her through the maze of chairs to get out of the office. I am not her. I almost feel guilty about that. She is so very sick, so very weak, so very quiet. I am not her. I'm healthy-cancer free. But she isn't. Not yet, at least. Or, maybe never. It's so very unfair...shitty turn of events for her. Her inner strength was so obvious though, as she made it through "the door". All I could think was...I am sooooo thankful that we found my uterine cancer when we did. So many of the women in that room look like that, then there are the ones who look like there's absolutely nothing wrong. Such a drastic difference. Such a drastic emotion for me. It's an emotion I've never felt before, a combination of pity, horror, gratitude, relief, stress and exhaustion. How is it possible to feel all of those things in one single moment in time? I'm not sure, but I did. 

Now, I have to schedule my annual mammogram. Love that annual trip to the tit-squisher. Let's hope there aren't any problems there. 

I'm going to enjoy this week. Watched the Republican National Convention last week and am watching the Democratic National Convention this week. It doesn't get anymore fun than this! Political positions are the stuff of good television ...if you can hold two opposing thoughts in your head without it exploding! 

Everyone have a fantastic week. To all of my music education friends and family members, I hope you are singing, playing and teaching with enthusiasm!! Have a fantastic, productive school year! I will personally continue healing and getting my strength back! Hugs! :)