Snow Days Rock!

What is it about snow days that makes us all so excited??? I don't think that it's just the fact that we don't have to get out of the house and go to work or school...and yes, I realize that people who work in other areas besides schools still have to go to work unless it's a blizzard situation! I really think that the excitement is the left over emotions from childhood. We remember the night when the snow starts falling and we went to bed dreaming of a foot of snow, and waking up to our parent telling us that we had a SNOW DAY! The idea of staying in our p.j.s and sipping hot chocolate until it was time to go outside and sled, and make snowmen and snow forts stocked with snowballs with which to nail the neighborhood kids was so exciting and somehow induced a frenetic energy!!


We were lucky as kids because our Mom didn't work outside the home. She made everything so much fun! She would make us homemade hot chocolate on snow days. I can smell it warming on the stove now! Dad worked in St. Louis, so he left the house long before we woke up, especially during bad weather. He'd usually leave between 4:30 and 5:00 a.m. to get there on time. He was a projects engineer for St. Louis  County Highway and Traffic. So, no matter what...he went to work. Saturdays were great because Dad was home too, and sometimes we could talk him into going out into the snow with us! But, it was usually short lived!! However, our older sister, Evanne and our sister in law, Becky were usually around for the fun!! 


We'd wax the bottom of the toboggan until our hands hurt to be sure that it would glide across the snow and ice!!! For those of you who don't know what a toboggan is, it's a sled, but it doesn't have runners or skis like a typical sled. It sits right on the ground. Hence, the big waxing job to make sure it would glide!!! It also can carry several people at once. At least ours did. It has parallel wooden slats that curve up at the front into a J shape. There are shorter pieces of wood that cross the parallel slats and section off "seats".  There was a rope hooked into the J front section of ours, but steering was really nonexistent!


During one snowstorm, we had lots of ice and snow followed by more ice! It was soooo cold, Mom wouldn't let Michele and myself go outside because we were quite little, but Evanne and Becky did. I can remember standing up on the couch and looking out of the big picture window with Michele and watching them ice skate on the street! Of course, there were lots of slips and falls outside which prompted lots of giggles inside. I can still remember the feeling of wanting to be out there ice skating with them soooo badly that I almost couldn't contain myself!! That memory is one of my favorites from my childhood!


Well, now at the age of 45, I still get excited about possible snow days, but I'm more focused on making sure there's plenty of gas in the cars, food in the pantry, laundry detergent in the laundry room and toilet paper in the bathrooms!! :) If we do indeed get a little snow today as predicted and quite a bit of snow and ice on Sunday night and Monday as predicted, I want to make sure that we are prepared! I can guarantee that any snow days in the future here at the Devos household will involve John and myself drinking hot chocolate in our p.j.s and watching the next episodes of LOST on dvd!! We didn't watch the series when it was on TV, but are hooked now that Chris and Sarah loaned us all 6 seasons on dvd!! So, that's what our snowday will entail!! :)


I can only hope that your snowdays are as enjoyable as mine have been and will be!!!

45 Years of observations!

Today is my 45th birthday. Here are some random observations I've made.


No matter how old you are, it's FUN to get birthday well wishes. It's 8:30a.m. and my sister called and sang to me and I've had a half hour conversation with one of my best friends from high school, Steve Fowler. 


My skin is sagging on my face. Maybe it's because I've lost 62 pounds, but it's still sagging. This...I don not like.


I've discovered that if you spread mustard with a knife instead of just squeezing it out of the bottle, that it does not spread evenly. But, I still like to spread it because the clumps of mustard don't work for me. I want to taste it with every bite of my sandwich.


Routine is the key to humans having a happy existence. We crave routine. Whether it's brushing and flossing before you get into the shower each morning, or doing the laundry on Saturday mornings. We need a routine. However, if this routine is not sprinkled with fun interruptions, like staying in bed with your significant other for WHATEVER:) reason when you're supposed to be doing something else, then the routine becomes a bummer.


Kids have changed. I realize that the differences from the 1950's kids growing up to us who grew up in the 70's/80's was significant. But I don't think those differences can hold a candle to the ones that I've observed in what I call the "technology children". They lack certain skills that we all just took for granted. They don't communicate verbally well at all. When they meet someone, it is rare that I see a handshake or that I hear them say "It's nice to meet you, so and so." WE were taught that when you meet someone, you say "It's nice to meet you" and repeat their name so that you won't forget it. The kids seem very distant and removed and I blame it on texting, messaging and all that jazz. Even though that may not be what is causing it, I'm going to blame it anyway. Oh...and another thing, I think texting, messaging and spell check shortcuts are why they are such horrible spellers too.


Fruits infused with other fruit juices are awesome. Take the grapple for example. It's an apple infused with grape juice, and they are delicious. Bethanie Ernst, G.B., turned me on to these. (When Bethanie student taught with me, and lived with John and myself during that time, we dubbed her "go-fer bitch" because she was always running to the store to get something for school or home, or she was running to get drinks for us, or picking up my school mail so I wouldn't have to walk, etc.) She was a fantastic student teacher and is now a fantastic choir director, and we love her very much! But back to the fruit juice infused fruits....try them. You'll love them.


At the age of 18, the highlight of my day was getting a call from one of my friends asking me to meet them or go somewhere with them. At the age of 45, the highlight of my day is singing songs with my 4 year old niece at naptime. :)


Being 45 doesn't feel any different from any other age, except that I know that in 5 years, I'll be eligible for AARP.  So the significant ages in my life were 10- I started my period, 16-I got my license and became FREE, 18-I could vote, graduated high school and started college, 21- could LEGALLY drink alcohol, 23-started my career, 25-my Dad died, 28-got married, 35-got Rheumatoid Arthritis, and today...45- I have yet to see what is in store for this age! Who knows, maybe this year I'll go through menopause and STOP having periods!!! :) If you're offended by this, get over it. Every female goes through it, just like every man knows what masturbation is. So, don't be all nose in the air and think "I can't believe she just said that!" I am who I am and I figure at 45, I can say whatever I want on MY BLOG. :)


My last observation on my birthday is this. Things happen to us. Horrible things, wonderful things....things happen. How we handle these different events is what defines us as individuals. We don't always handle them the same way...it depends on where we are in our lives, but our character pretty much defines how we'll react in any situation. We choose our paths for the most part. Today, I'm choosing to be happy, loving, encouraged, encouraging and inspired. I can only hope that you will do the same. 


Thanks for reading, friends. :) Love and Hugs. And thanks for my birthday greetings!!

The Blanket of Truth

I had a very long conversation with a very old friend yesterday. It was one of those events that happens in your life that you know was meant to be. Without going into detail about what our four-hour colloquy included, I will say that it was a genuine, in-depth, heartfelt exchange of thoughts, ideas and possibilities. It felt like a soft, warm blanket cloaking me from a harsh, stinging coldness.

I've always felt like I needed to know more, do more, be more. The thing is, as I've matured not only in age, but also in "being", I've realized that every single day of my life has been, in one way or another, a day in which I knew more, did more, or have been more. I continue to grow as a spiritual person and have been reminded over the last couple of years that my existence is not only what I make of it, but also that there IS a very real and lasting extension and understanding to the numbered days we are all living.

I exist within a bubble of questions, ideas, challenges and insights, as do we all. Fortunately, I have always had the ability to say to myself "But, what if?" and know that the idea of "what if" was a way for me to see beyond the information that was given to me and expand my knowledge while satisfying the need to challenge the status quo.  My mind does not allow me to just accept without question.  I have always wanted to know the whys and hows of everything. I have lived my life thus far thinking that what I put out there into the world is what will eventually come back to me. Karma, if you will.  I believe that this week's announcement on the national news that John Edwards has a bad heart condition is an event that has karma written all over it. Not that I wanted him to be sick, but sometimes, you just have to open your eyes to truly see what is happening around us.  Of course, that's not to say that every single person who has something wrong with him or her is a "victim" of  karma. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just telling you that what you put out there into the world, affects you and other people whom you do and do not know. We breed what we are, what we live.

My perspective about how I handle things has changed over the last decade. Mainly because the physical pain I have learned to endure had become a catalyst for my explosive personality - which used to be short fused, quick to anger and let it all go - on whoever was the unfortunate soul who had triggered my rage, to be multiplied several times over. When I'm in lots of pain, or even just at a slightly elevated pain level-but for an extended period of time, I can physically feel my blood pressure rising and before I can catch myself, I'm yelling, biting John's head off, being short with my words, and very flippant and rude. One day not too long ago, John had his can full of me, and politely said. "Carolinn!" (which was my first clue something was wrong, because he always calls me "honey") "Carolinn! Do you realize that you've continually attacked me since I got home from work yesterday? You are being so short and rude to me. Would you please stop???!!" BlinkBlink...BlinkBlink...I had not realized that I was doing that to him...it took about 2.5 seconds for me to review my actions over the last few hours and come to the conclusion that I was reacting to being in pain. Not making an excuse, because the reaction is something I can control, but the pain is not. The constant, wrenching pain was and is an automatic multiplier of whatever bitchiness I have in me. What he said was true. I had been rude and unreasonable to him. So now, I'm very careful of how and what I say when I'm having a hard time dealing with the vicious attack on my good cells by my bad cells which cause a very uncomfortable time to be had by not only me, but all who are around me. Thank you, John, for your patience.

How does this all tie in together?  I am now putting out there a much more tolerable, positive Carolinn, when I'm dealing with pain or anything that troubles me. I have taken time to breathe, focus, meditate and control my reactions to the onslaught so that it isn't so offensive to those whom I love and who take care of me. This realization has allowed me to apply this more positive reaction to other areas of my life. Again, what I put out there, comes back to me in some form or another. I believe that I'm broadening my sense of self. I am suddenly cognizant of things that, if I ever had been cognizant of, had forgotten them over the years. My mid-life scariness, as is the title of this Blog, is becoming less and less scary all of the time.

It is with this inkling that I say I am in a constant state of trying to be a good person, trying to do the right things and spreading the love and encouragement that has been given to me by not only my family, but numerous friends from my lifespan. The last few years of my life, I have not been doing that. I had allowed myself to become a judgmental, spiteful person...which is why, I believe, my heart has been so troubled. My vision of me is now a truthful one. I haven't always been able to say that....but now I can. So, the soft, warm blanket I spoke of earlier, I now know to be the understanding that can only come with age, experience, maturity and self awareness. I AM middle aged, I AM sick, and I AM able to change and grow into a better person.


It hasn't been an easy journey for me.  I kept thinking it was the people I was dealing with at school (work) and their idiocy that was the main reason I was so angry and frustrated all of the time. And yes, I still believe that had a lot to do with it. When you work with liars who are on an ego trip, and will say and do anything to get their way, even at the cost of the students' education, that can be a very depressing and anger inducing environment in which to work.


So, now I've come to a new chapter in my existence. I believe this chapter of my life will be amended from Mid-Life Scariness to Mid- Life Scariness and The Awakening. To all of my friends and family members out there who happen to read this, I want you all to know that I love you, appreciate you and respect you. For those old friends from elementary, jr. high, high school and college who I have just recently reconnected with through Facebook, I can't thank you enough for the laughs, memories and encouragement you've sent me across them miles!!! 

I will continue to work toward a healthier self and hopefully I will invoke a positive change for those who share my life.  Ahhhhhh, yes, the blanket is very warm and soft, indeed!!!! 
(((Hugs))) to everyone.

Politics = D3: Disrespect, Deceit and Disgust

I've always thought that if I just keep a positive attitude, do the "right" things, am nice to other people and try to have patience in all that I do, that good things would happen for and to me and the ones I love. It hasn't always turned out that way, but I still do my best to keep up the "good vibes" as much as possible.

If you've never seen the movie "Idiocracy", you need to! It's soooooo stupid, BUT, and this is a very big BUT...it really stops and makes you think. After you watch it, you kind of get this feeling of....wow...I need to go read a book and make my kids do the same thing!  It's a little scary.

Watching the different Republican debates, interviews and news coverage of the candidates makes my skin crawl. And it's not just those men and women, it's all politicians. The entire system has been dumbed down for the American people. Even though they try to impress us with their knowledge of foreign policy, current events, voting records and all that goes with - the fact is, they know that unless they make it a "show" - taking digs, being rude and negative and making each other look the fool and NOT necessarily to get their point(s) across...it's just to make it interesting for the "people", that they won't get the news coverage they desire. I can't stomach how stupid they think we are. And yes, I realize that there are voters out there who all of this appeals to....which of course, is why it has become the norm for our society...but I for one, think it is appalling and insulting to OUR collective intelligence. I have not heard a single interview yet, with ANY of the candidates that hasn't involved them out right lying or insulting someone else, whether it be one of their Republican opponents or the current administration. Oh, and by the way...whether you AGREE or DISAGREE with Barack Obama, he IS the President of the United States of America. The reason I bring this up is because I heard an interview yesterday morning: I only caught part of it as I was in the other room...but I think it was on Fox News...a female was going off on President Obama and said, " I don't even want to call him the President." during her rant. I apologize for not being able to say who it was or even what program it was. I normally don't quote things unless I know for sure...but I don't even think that matters. I certainly didn't agree with all that George W. Bush did and said during his presidency, but I still referred to him as President Bush. He WAS the President and deserved to be called that... politics aside, I respected him because of the office he held and the leadership he provided at that time...whether I liked it or NOT. My point is, it doesn't matter who the female was, I just don't think that we need to be teaching the future leaders of our nation that THIS is what it's all about. DISRESPECT should never be a part of this process. I believe that we can disagree and make our political points without behaving like jr. high kids. Actually, most jr. high students aren't as bad as the people I've been watching and listening to recently. I cringe to think that we have high school age youth watching, listening and LEARNING that this is the way to handle such an important part of our American society. It doesn't matter what your political views or opinions are, the way we handle our political differences should be a process of respectful disagreement with intelligent conversation. It saddens me that this is what we've become. I'm not naive enough to think that this is anything new, or that we have any influence over the process, but that doesn't change the fact that I detest it.


I know I've talked about this before in this blog, but it really does get under my skin, hence, the repeat! Happy watching this week, ladies and gentlemen, if we can stand to spend those precious moments of our lives that we'll never get back doing it. So, brew another pot of coffee and I'll see you on the other side.



 

Friends, Wonderful Celtic Music and Restoration.

This evening, I had the privilege of attending the Celtic Christmas Concert at the First and Calvary Presbyterian Church in Springfield. The venue was gorgeous...a one hundred year old sanctuary (actually older than that) candlelit and decked with greens and wreaths with white lights and stained glass windows. When I entered the room, I knew I was in a special place.

The instrumentalists played violins, guitar, mandolin, piano, cello, bass, hand drum, tambourine, pipe organ and the high whistle. Four women sang; beautifully arranged Celtic carols and songs and the Springfield Boys Choir dazzled us with their crystal clear voices that harmonized so wonderfully and rang throughout the room that the chill and dampness of the night quickly faded away.

As I listened, and experienced the music, it swept over me, through me and became part of me. The music gave me wings on this blustery, wet evening. It allowed me, if just for a little while, to escape from my dungeon of limitations and once again get back to feeling what music has always made me feel...whole. I need music in my life. It is who I am, what I'm about and what I love.

Teaching music doesn't always give us the "musical" experiences that we musicians long for. Don't misunderstand, there are MANY, MANY wonderful musical happenings with students who are our young musicians, but when we are teaching music...we get into the "drudgery" of the next performance, the next favor, the next contest, the next festival, etc. And sometimes, as in my case, it has taken me a year and a half to not be involved in music education to KNOW what I had lost. I'm not talking about not being able to teach...yes, I've lost that too, but...I had lost the music experience. It had been too long since my heart had been warmed, goosebumps had crawled across my skin and my eyes had watered because I was EXPERIENCING the music with every fiber of my being. But, this evening changed all of that. I am once again..."in tune" with my musical needs and wants. 

I can't thank Kelly O'Bryant, Erika O'Bryant, Mark Lawley and all of the other incredible musicians who gave me such a wonderful Christmas present tonight. My heart has been warmed and my musical self has been restored. Merry Christmas.

Politics, Bad Drivers and Decor

Why is it that all of the Republican Candidates seem like egomaniacle, self serving, ignorant, lying sacs of putrid waste?? Oh, that's right, BECAUSE THEY ARE!!!  Now as far as politics go, here's my quick and easy take on the entire situation.

All politicians, no matter with which party they are affiliated, lie and look out for number one...which I understand, in our political world is very necessary sometimes. But, I have to say this....when watching a political candidate debate, I ....as an American citizen, should NOT feel embarrassed for the people who are trying to debate each other to get a leg up for the next party nomination for President of the United States of America. I'm shocked at the stupidity, lack of knowledge and closed mindedness that these people are displaying. 

I don't even care if Herman Cain has boffed women....or men for that matter - while he was supposedly in a committed marriage. Yes, it shows lack of character, but the question is....could this man run our country?? The REAL question is.....Could any of these people LEAD our country?? At least President Obama is smart enough to be able to speak in public and not embarrass us in front of the rest of the world, and whether we like him or not, whether we agree with him or not, he, unlike any of these candidates I've been speaking about... has the ABILITY to lead our country.

I heard a sound bite of Chris Christie going off on President Obama a couple of nights ago. I said to John, "Really???? Coming from the man who isn't willing to run and do something about it???? Shut the hell up and concentrate on your shore." I don't necessarily agree with Christie's political views, but I think he'd be a good leader. But if he's not willing to throw his hat in, then don't complain. That's like all of the American citizens who constantly bitch about politics, the President, the Congress, etc....but don't ever vote. I have no patience for that kind of blatant disregard for the rest of America who does vote and try to make positive change happen in our society.


Okay, enough about politics. Let's talk about people who are asshole drivers. If you are an asshole driver, here are some things I'd like for you to stop and start doing.


Stop: Texting     Start: WATCHING THE FREAKING TRAFFIC LIGHTS

Stop: Talking on the phone   Start: Paying attention to your kids in the back seat!!!!

Stop:  Riding my ass when I'm going OVER the speed limit  Start: Getting a clue that you're an ass.


Stop:  Putting on your make up   Start: Getting up 20 minutes earlier to do it at home


Stop:  Speeding through the neighborhood where kids are playing   Start: Considering the fact that there are other people in the world besides you.


Stop:  Driving like you're in a hurry ALL OF THE TIME!  Start: Using your turn signals, braking BEFORE you get to a stop sign or traffic light, and try turning down your stereo so that I can't hear it in my car when BOTH of our windows are UP and MY stereo is on!!


*The next person I see texting while driving when we are at a stoplight...be warned...I'm going to get out of my car at the stoplight and pound on your window and show you a gruesome picture of dead people from a car accident caused by a driver texting. You've been warned. It's stupid and careless to do it any time....but when you're driving your kids around and texting....I think that's criminal. 

Also, if you have so many Christmas lights up... that you leave on all night ...that it causes your neighbor's bedroom to be lit up like Rockefeller Plaza, you might want to reconsider your holiday decor. 


Just a few thoughts running through my mind this morning. I'm glad it's Friday and I'm glad I'm feeling better. Yesterday was NOT a good day for me physically. But, today is looking up and I'm anxious to get the rest of the Christmas decorations properly placed and the boxes and tubs put away!! Have a great weekend everyone.

B.R.A. A.R.A. (Before R.A., After R.A.)

There are times in our lives when we all have to pause for a moment to think about what we are going to do next in our existence that is continually bombarded with obstacles, negative events and rude people. The good thing is, that there are usually good events, obstacles that are easily maneuvered around or moved, and nice people that we come across too. But, when faced with the earlier mentioned situations, decisions have to be made that are not only hard, but heart wrenching. In fact, it seems...many times...that it is impossible to make a "good" decision. 

The decision to stop teaching one and a half years ago was one of those decisions. I'm so out of the loop...I feel really estranged from the music education world, in fact from music itself. I'm not able to perform right now because of my physical limitations. I can't stand through a concert to sing, or stand to conduct a concert. I could play horn, but it would take months to get my chops in shape and I don't have an instrument. So, I'm kinda stuck right now. 


The people...other directors... in this area (Springfield) have no idea what my teaching abilities are. They don't know that when I'm feeling well and not in pain, that I'm an excellent music educator. No one knows that when the RA is not drowning me, I'm one of the best teachers around. This is not bragging. I've worked hard over the last 25 years to become the best music educator I could be, and the last 8 years that I taught with the disease, there were some days I couldn't even function at work. I never was able to teach "full out" like I did on a daily basis B.R.A. (before R.A.) I miss having the energy, excitement and the feelings of accomplishment that I got from being in front of a group of high school kids that wanted to make me proud. The looks on their faces when that one chord came together and sent goosebumps crawling across their skin...that's one I really miss. 


I also miss teaching elementary music. After having taught high school for so many years, then getting certified in Kodaly, and teaching elementary for a while, I really learned a lot about being a better music educator. The Kodaly sequence brought it all together for me. I became a better high school teacher because of my elementary experience using Kodaly. However, I was so sick while doing all of this, I never REALLY got to give my teaching one hundred percent.


This isn't a pity party. I'm just thinking through some things. I love teaching privately and have some students who will probably be starting private lessons again soon but it's still not the same as being in front of a choir or band. And it's not the same as taking kindergarteners from the first day of school and teaching them how to make a circle sitting on the floor, to performing, reading, improvising and composing music at the end of 5th grade. There is a sense of accomplishment...contentment... that comes from those experiences and I guess I'm going to have to find another way to be able to feel that same sense of accomplishment once again.

I've been vocalizing, getting my voice back into shape which is a good thing about NOT teaching. My voice has had time to rest and I'm able to extend my range once again and not be hoarse and vocally exhausted from teaching all day. I even was able to have so much resonance that it made my inner ears tickle! IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE THAT HAS HAPPENED!!! For those of you who are not vocalists, that means that there was so much muscular freedom and vocal ease that the vibrations in the mask of my face actually tickled down in my ears. That's a GOOD thing! :)

Well, I'm going to go sing for a while and make myself feel better about my current situation. The Christmas tree is up, the mantle is decorated and after I sing, I'll finish the rest. Thanks for reading.



 

Friday Night Blues

I'm feeling a little stressed and a deep turqoise shade of blue this evening...so I'm going to play some word association. I'm going to take the first 20 words from the first 20 things I see right around me here on my desk and then type the word that I associate with them.

1.  Scrabble = confused
2.  Theatre = miss
3. Budget = broke
4.  Sing = relaxation
5.  Branson = shopping
6.  College = do over
7.  Planner = Dr. Gifford's WE Reunion
8.  Mojito = summer
9.  Rotars = expensive
10.  French Horn = fun
11.  Broadway = smiles
12.  Photos = memories
13.  Maps = travel
14.  Turkey = sleepy
15.  Melodious = energetic
16.  Art Deco = pastels
17.  Coconut = sunning
18.  Lip Balm = soothing
19.  John Devos = warmth
20.  Dance = longing

Now, I'd say those are pretty typical answers...but then again...I'm in a funk. I find myself getting pissed off at the littlest things, and feeling forlorn about the big things. I listen to Camille recite poems to me out of her little book that was John's when he was about her age, four or five... and I can't help but smile through the tears that well up in my eyes. Her sweet, little voice and the innocence that it holds within it is overwhelming when I think that she starts Kindergarten next year. When school starts, the innocence is abruptly shattered forever. Part of growing up, but a sad part, me thinks.

The timeline of our lives is measured by distinct happenings. Some happenings are wonderful, some are sad, some are funny and some make you want to kick the shit out of somebody.  When these "marks" are made on our timelines of life, they leave indelible memories for us that are a constant reminder of the paths not taken...or the paths taken, that shouldn't have been.

I am at a crossroads in my life. Unfortunately, any decisions that I make right now are at the mercy of a completely different timeline that I have no control over whatsoever. I'm doing my best to be the loving, considerate wife that John needs and the strong, decisive, motivated woman that I used to be. Not that those two ladies can't exist at the same time within me, they always have...I guess they're both a little tired right now.

The dishes are waiting, along with this weeks laundry and the dust that has accumulated since last Friday.  I'd really like to be Samantha from Bewitched right now, and with a little rabbit like movement of my nose, have it all done and put away. But, I'm not magic and I'm not rich so a maid is also out of the question. So, off to do housework and pretend like I'm enjoying it...cest la vie.

Mammograms, Pumpkins and Fat Man

Sometimes I'm just amazed at the stupid shit some people do. Today after my mammogram, (which was absolutely no big deal...I've been dreading it because it was my first one) I went to Aldi to do a little grocery shopping. As I went through the aisles, I noticed this really fat guy with a bad attitude behind me. And...the reason I noticed him is because he stayed behind me the entire time...no matter what I did or where I went. I even turned completely around in the middle of an aisle twice to see if he'd follow me, and he DID! Anyway, I'm over in the cheeses and lunchmeat across from the fresh produce and he practically rammed his cart into me. So, me being me.....I said...."Am I in your way, because I've been trying to get out of it for quite a while now!" Hoping he'd get the message!! He said in response..."I'm just walking behind you." I said, "Well...not anymore!" Now, understand I had heard him being rude to some other people...and he would just stand in the aisle....taking up a lot of it, I might add.... and look around....he wasn't even really shopping. And having said "not anymore!" I took a left and went down a completely different aisle and to the checkout. The guy was an ass. People are so rude, inconsiderate and impatient at times. Maybe he needs to lay off of the chips and donuts he had stacked in his cart and go for some fresh fruits and vegetables, then he might find that his attitude improves a little. What types of food we put into our bodies definitely effects how we feel and think! Time for tubby to change it up a bit, I'd say.

Now understand, I don't have anything against big people...I'm one of them....however, not near as much as I was a year and a half ago!! :) As of today, I've lost 51 pounds!!! But I do have a problem with attitudinal assholes. Big problem. On my worst day, when I'm in pain or something horrible has happened....or it's just PMS....I still don't take it out on innocent people in the grocery store...I take it out on JOHN!!! :)

FalI is John's favorite time of year. Me....I'm a SUMMER girl...put me on a beach in a nice lounge chair and a cocktail in my hand and I'm all good!! I got a huge pumpkin for John and myself to carve together. That will be an interesting evening. John will be Mr. Step by Step and have to do it just so....and I'll be sketching it out on paper and then just start carving....about 10 minutes into it...we'll be on each others penultimate nerve and he'll go watch tv with a glass of tea and I'll finish it. He'll walk through after it's done and say..."Good job, babe!" Yeah, thanks, honey. Glad we could do this together. :)

Okay...that's it for tonight. GO CARDS!!! :)

Friday's Thoughts.

This is breast cancer awareness month and today is my first mammogram. I'm looking forward to getting it over with!! My paternal Grandmother had a mastectomy and as far as I understand, they are not as concerned about the paternal side of the family as they are the maternal. So, hopefully...there won't be any problems. I encourage ALL of my friends...MALE and FEMALE to get checked out! It isn't just a female disease!! Go get squished!! :)

The cards lost game 2 last night of the 2011 World Series to the Texas Rangers. Today they travel to Texas and game 3 is tomorrow night! I'm so excited!!! Love the Cardinals. I really hope they can pull out a can of whoop ass on 'em! GO CARDS!!!!

I'm finding that more often then not, I'm "putting stuff away" and then I can't remember where I've put it. It's becoming really annoying. John asked me a couple of months ago where one of his masonic books was and of course, I looked for it but could not find it! Well, I found it this morning...right here on the desk in the kitchen where I had placed it several months back....thinking....I'll put this here so I can remember to give it to John....well, if I can remember thinking that.....why couldn't I remember where I had placed the damned book???? So frustrating. I do stuff like that all of the time. Walk into a room to do something....then I have no idea why I'm standing there looking around. Freaking nuts. And...I realized yesterday...that I actually say OUT LOUD to myself...."What the hell am I supposed to be doing in here?" Sometimes I remember what it is...and sometimes I don't. Is it that I'm getting older or am I just stupe??? Whatever it is...I'm done with it!! I waste so much time trying to figure out shit like that! Maybe I ought to start writing down on a notepad little codes for myself that remind me of what I'm supposedly doing at any given time. Like....if I'm going to the music room to get a piece of music I could write in a shorthand code....MR (music room) Gt Mz Hr Cncr (Get Mozart Horn Concertos) ...well that would work....except....what if I forget the freakin' shorthand code??? Which is very possible at this point!! The only time I don't have to worry about is when it's time to go to the bathroom....I'm all good there!!! :)

Okay, I smell the coffee and can't resist it any longer! Hope everyone has a great Friday and GO CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!